


The Boys from Trost

by blankedetch



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Adult Content, Anal Sex, Bad Spelling & Grammar, Boys Kissing, Childhood Friends, Explicit Sexual Content, Fights, Flashbacks, Frottage, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Kissing, Lemon, Lime, M/M, Male Friendship, Masturbation, Old Friends, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Public Masturbation, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reader-Insert, Romance, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Shounen-ai, Smut, Stalking, Teen Romance, Violence, Yaoi, cock - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:54:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29203194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blankedetch/pseuds/blankedetch
Summary: The rumbling has started. All these responsibilities as a commanding officer of the Survey Corps will let him down?What's Jean Kirstein going to do next? How he and his lover gonna get through it.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Male Reader, Jean Kirstein/Reader, Reiner Braun/Reader, Thomas Wagner/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. Moanin' in the Rumbling

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all sorry for my bad grammar. I'm not good at English lol but i tried.  
> [Warning]  
> \- HUGE manga spoilers  
> \- It's a BL story  
> \- smut  
> \- lemon scene  
> \- explicit scene  
> ..............  
> (Y/N) = Your name

The rumbling has started

It’s a haunted rumbling night

The moonlight shining through the window

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“I’ve earned the right to live a happy life along with him, haven’t I?”

“So…just act like you don’t hear it,” he thought

KNOCK KNOCK

“JEAN JEANNNN It’s me”

“We’re waiting for you outside” Hange knocks the door and calls for him. She’s waiting outside with Mikasa just want him to talk with them to figure out what they’re gonna do next after Eren about to wipe out the rest of the world

“I didn’t hear that”

“Don’t go, don’t think if I just stay….with him” he hid from her and covered his ears. He’s shaking

Things have been really crazy lately

He looks so tired of what’s happening a couple weeks ago. Taking responsibility as a commanding officer of Survey Corps. It seems like he can’t handle it anymore. He’s sitting still on his bed and covered his ears next to you. He’s here with you.

You and Jean have known each other for a long time since you are young. Trost is your both hometown. You and he were a graduate of the 104th Cadet Corps together, and you both later joining the Survey Corps.

“Is he’s gonna cry? Is he’s gonna be alright?” you thought and you’re wanna put your arms around him try to comfort him. He doesn’t go anywhere just sitting here waiting for Hange to get the hell out here

Then she left and you notice it “J-Jean… Jean she left now” then he hugs his knees up to the chest and you just put your arms around him “It’s okay Jean If you don't want to get involved in it” you tried to console him

“If I just stay here… then what’s next, how they’re gonna do, how we’re gonna… shhhit I can’t (Y/N) I can’t take it anymore I’m done… I’m done now” his voice is unstable. He's scared and he doesn’t want to cry in front of you

You looked at him and your eyes started to fill with tears “J-Jean sometimes you don't have to be strong, don’t pretend it”

You tried to hold your tears “If you need to cry Jean here's a shoulder. I’m here with you. I’m right here”

“Rest your worries somewhere else Jean”

“Please……stop” Jean mumbles in your arms

“I ain't going nowhere baby” you continue. Pretend not to hear

“Shut up… (Y/N)”

“J-Jean sometimes I feel like crying too so I want to share the tears with you, babe,” you said while hugged him

“So tonight Jean. You don’t want to worry about anything. Just you and me. You can cry on my shoulde....”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” he suddenly yells at you. Then he breaks out of your hug, pushes you away so hard. It makes you fall out of his bed.

“Aaaaaaagh!!!” his deep voice roars. He glared at you in rage.

“Ugh” your hands holding your ribs, it’s kinda hurt.

“J-Jeannn” you try to get up on your knees and avoid his angry eyes

He looks mad.

“Shut up…(Y/N) can you just…stop” he mumbles

He suddenly thought about things he been through

Flashback starts….

“This is freedom, You don’t need to fight any longer. You can live as you want.”

“Jean… you wanted to live the good life in the interior right?”

“It’s over. So go back to being the old Jean”

Floch words just popped into his head, and then flashbacks are faded away…..

“How am I going to do? Is this too much for me? These responsibilities, all the weight I carry. Do I become a bastard who betrays my friends? Do I become a traitor? Am I a man like that? Huh?” He thought, clenched his fists, and gritted his teeth

And then he sees you in pain. His eyes widening at what he saw.

He rushes out of the bed to you. He helps to pick you up.

“(Y/N) are you okay. I’m so sorry. Where does it hurt? Can I have a look?” he said worriedly, grabbing your arm. He hurriedly tried to see if you were hurt right now.

“No, I don’t get any hurt, Jean. I’m sorry…I talk too much” you realize that you crossed the line and trying to ward off his hand.

“No no no no, you don’t. I know that you worried about me” he’s not let you go 

He looks into your eyes and tried to hold back tears. His condition makes you immediately bawling and he puts his strong arms around you. His right-hand grabs your waist and the other hand grabs your head softly.

“I’m sorry to hurt you like that (Y/N), sorry to yell at you. I’m sorry… sorry for being a coward … for being selfish I’m sorry to disappoint you” he gets it off of his chest

You’re crying and burying your face on his chest

“Sorry for being an asshole to you even though you just try to help me… (Y/N)” he hugged you tight and you felt his hot breath on your hair

“No don’t apologize. It’s okay to cry, to scream Jean. You’ve been keeping it bottled up all this time”

He acts tough but then he can’t hold it and breaks out in tears.

“It’ll all be alright J-Jean” you still cried and put your arms around his waist.

You hug him back and his hands on my shoulders now, stare at you gently and guilty

“Are you really okay (Y/N) _~?_ ” he regretted

“Yea I said, I’m fine Jean”

“Really (Y/N)”

“You know it right? That I can deal with a skittish wild horse” you blush a little

He paused and “HUUUH??!” He’s blushing

“Well, there he is. My same Jean-bo I have known” you chuckles and blushing too

He wiped away his tears then looking at you, blushing, and a little calmer “I shouldn’t hurt and yell at you like that” He wiped your tears with his hardworking hands, but touching your face gently

“I broke my promise to you that’s I’ll never hurt you again” he smiles a little and stares at you with his soft eyes his right-hand moves to your hair playing with it

You look into his eyes for a while then you said

“Well I gotta go to meet Hange and Mikasa for you now since you don’t wanna meet ‘em and I don't allow you to go” you’re trying to break his tight hug

But he’s not giving up “Hey won't you stay a little while? (Y/N)”

“Huh!? Jean… but they’re waiting. I’m going to tell them that you’re sick, okay right” you claim but you already know what’s he mean

He hugs you tighter “Let me just stay like this… just for a minute…” he's blushing

“But Jean… Eren is doing the rumbling right now” you said awkwardly

“Fuck Eren, fuck ‘em for a minute… at least for now… please,” He said softly

“(Y/N) please don't go, ‘cause I don't wanna be alone” he begs

Your face is all red now “J-Jeeeaan~” a name left your mouth, you raise your hands to touch his cheeks so you can feel his sexy beard and you close your eyes

Jean chuckles a little and then he kisses your forehead gently “you’re so cute my sweet angle (Y/N)” his deep voice groans your name

You can feel his heat now. He searched for your sweet lips and his lips cover yours. He pulls your hair and kisses you, while his other hand grabs your cheek, his tongue tries to fight with yours but he easily wins. It turns into making out.

You pull his mullet try to fight back but then he puts you against the wall and his lips and yours still playing with each other. You moaned through the kisses and Jean lets his strong hands slowly unbutton your shirt “He’s so hot” you thought, and now you’re half-naked.

Then he bit and kissed your neck “Ahhh~ J-Jeeeaann~ hmmm” you groan

He’s taking off his shirt. It shows his strong chest and his strong abs. You hang your arms around his neck while he’s kissing your lips again

“Damn he’s like a wild horse Jean” this is the way you feel

You can feel the heat from him. The sweat is dancing on his skin.

“Mmmmh…J-Jeaaan”

Then you’re holding his shoulders. It’s barely to hold because he’s so tall compared to you.

The make out is more intense. Saliva dripped from your mouths. Then he moves his sexy lips to your neck, sucks it hard, his beard touches your bare skin makes you’re begging for more. your heart is racing.

“Mine you’re mine, always mine,” he thought

And then he spills the word “You’re all mine”

His fingers squeeze your nipples while the other hand still pulling your hair. Then he’s carrying you up.

You let him lay you down on his bed. You help each other unzip and take your pants and now you’re both naked. You can feel his skin on yours and his cock meets with yours.

“Damn he’s huge,” you thought

You’re facing each other. Temperature's rising in his eyes.

“P-Please…Jean” you moan

“Do you really want it (Y/N)” Jean smirked

You paused and avoided his eyes

"I-I'm... I'm" you're shaking

Jean looks into you, and he's so worried bout you

"Hey if you're not ready, I will stop... you're shaking" he concerned 

You're grabbing his arms, begging for him "Nah... no Jean... please do it" but you still avoid his eyes

Jean cups your face with his hands, makes your eyes contact together

"Are you sure (Y/N)? are you really ready? are you want me to do this to you?"

You look into his eyes “Y-Yea Jean I want it… I want that cock”

"Aight Lemme take care of you" he smiles and then kisses your forehead 

Jean is moving his hips and you're moving yours too that makes your both cocks rub together

"How do you feel now," Jean asked

"Yea... it feels so good so far J-Jean" 

“Please begging for more (Y/N)… begging for ma cock” he grins while rubbing your cock and his cock together

“J-Jean… You are bad” you’re still blushing

He puts a devil smile on his face. “Yea I am, so what do you want from me bae…”

You don’t dare to say it but still said it anyway “I-I want no… Jean I need… I need your cock J-Jeann… in my hole please…”

“Well, you’re bad too” he laughs a little

So he grabs your legs and puts them on his shoulders.

You’re so excited so you bite your lips, your legs are shaking and your hips are moving a little

“Hey… (Y/N) relax, I'll be gentle… just like our old days” Jean smirked and he slowly puts his index finger into your tiny hole

“Ugh, J-Jeeeaan _~_ ”

“Feel good right?” He keeps going with his middle fingers

“Yea… Jean, it's actually feel- it’s actually feel good” but you’re kinda disappointed because it’s not his cock yet

He pulls his fingers in and out, in and out and faster while the other hand strongly pinches your leg

You’re moving your hips against his fingers. Your face is red and dripped a little saliva while looking into him. “Ahh Umm Ah! Jean Umm”

He sees you moving like this just make him feel hornier, he just wants to fuck you right now

“Grr… you drive me crazy bae I wanna taste that lips again, may I?”

He suddenly kisses you gently. His tongue tries to find your sweet spot in your mouth.

Now you finally can touch his sexy brown soft mullet. That makes you are calm and want more from him

Then he pulls his fingers out of your tiny hole and suddenly thrusts his huge cock inside instead

“Ahhhh J-Jeann~” you growled his name, his cock is so big in your ass, that makes you crazy

He strongly took your legs while his hips moving against your tiny ass slowing.

“Ugh… You’re so incredible babe, fuck! you’re so tight.” Jean looks into you and smile, but a little frown because your ass is so tighter than he thought

Damn his smile could kill you now, in the view, you can see his sexy strong body moving against you slowly and powerful

you feel hurt in your hole but still moan for him "Uhmmm... Jean... ahhh" 

"How do you feel... hmmm... you can tell me if it hurt" Jean still worried bout you

"It hurts good Jean... Ummm... It feels good Jean" 

He's moving his cock slowly and gently, so you feel it in and out, in and out in your hole

"Huhh... well you're so good, you're doing good (Y/N)" Jean praised you

"Ah Ah Ah Ah" you're moanin'

"Are you ok if I will fucking harder ?" Jean is looking to you, begging for fuck you harder

Damn his eyes, How you can say no "Yea... J-Jean you can- ya- you can fuck me harder"

Then when he heard your little voice answer his question, he's immediately turning from a tamed horse into a skittish horse

“Now moan for me (Y/N) I wanna hear your moan while I’m fucking you”

“Ahhh~ J-Jean deeper Jean Hmm deeper”

You can feel his colossal cock sliding into your wet tight ass

“More! Begging for more” He glares at you while his cock inside you

“F-Fuck me Jean just fuck me harder” He’s moving faster and faster

“Grrr… you… hah...ah…come on” he growled in his sexy deep voice

“L-Like that~ Ahhhhhhh” you pinch his arms

“Fuck! look at you, my cock already... grrr.. in your hole but- but you're still begging more for my cock huh? are you a little bitch now?” he slapped your thighs

“Ahhh! Yes! there! there Jean fuck me, fuck me babe” you cried out

“Ah.. Ahhhh shit ahh Hmnn”

“Ah Ahhhh Aaaah J-Jeaan I can’t”

“Aaaaaaaagh! Ahh hah damn”

“Umm Yes yes fuck me, fuck ma ass”

“Hah ahhh grrr… shit!”

“There hah… Jean your cock is so big”

“yea take it (Y/N)… Ahhh… take ma cock… take my fucking cock”

Your moans harmonize together out loud with the rumbling in the background

~DOH DOH DOH DOH~

He shuts your mouth with his right fingers puts them in it while his left hand still grabs your right leg That makes your left leg falls off his wide shoulder and the other leg still hangs on it

“Hah… Ummmm… mwa” sure you lick, suck his fingers

“Huh… Good boy suck ‘em” he grinned widely at you, he loved seeing you cried like this, begging for more

“This is your true form right, Horse Face, you bastard…” you thought but still suck his fingers anyway

Your hands fondle his strong abs to his chest and his face in sequent then his chin, his cheeks so you can feel his beard. That makes you wetter.

He pulls his fingers of your mouth then he leans down to kiss you. That makes your hips rise up in the air while his huge member inside your walls.

He’s lifting you up and carrying you. His cock still fucks your tight hole’

“Ugh… mmmmh mmmhmmh you’re so tight” he’s moaning

“J-Jean p-please ahhhh… like that… like thaaa… huhh”

He lifts you up and down with his cock. He pinches your thighs that make bruises on your bare skin. Damn, He's so strong.

You put your arms around his neck, you’re facing each other. You’re both blushing. He kisses your neck and leaves the marks on it. You felt his beard rubs on your bare skin, then you pull his hair again, you can’t stop yourself to do it.

“J-Jeaaaaan Ughhhh….”

“Mwaaa mmmmhn you all mine let me taste it”

You smell his manly cologne and his sweat, which makes you crazier

His hips are moving faster. Jean groaned and thrusting inside of you as his balls slapped against your ass, and now he started walking to the window while still fucking you.

“Ah… A-Ah… Ow…. Hah…” you moan like crazy

“You like it… (Y/N) you like my huge cock in your ass, Is it? ”

“Yess… Jean I like it… I like your cock in ma… huhhh… in my hole” you answer him

He lets you sit on the window sill, the moonlight shines through the window, so you can see his handsome face clearly

He then leaned forward and grinned and makes out with you

“umma… huuh ummmm” you both moan

He pulls his cock off and turns you facing against the window.

“Ahhhh wooo” Jean gasps

“Ahhhh… Ummm, Jean… That’s good”

“Still want more? Huh, do you still want more? (Y/N)”

“Yes gimme J-Jean commander Jean” you tease him

He then smirks “Let me show what’s commander can do”

He thrusts his big member on your ass again but this time is violent than the last time

“Ahhhhhh Jean… I- Hmn~” You lose your control

“Grunt grunt! Hinggggg! Yes babe it feels so fucking good, take it, babe, I order you to take my big fucking cock… ahh” he slapped your ass cheeks multiple times that leave bruises on your tiny little ass.

“Yes J-Jean, yes commander… hng… ” you cried out

“Good boy, one day the mankind will receive the freedom for sure ahhh cause we have a good soldier right here… like you (Y/N) haha aahh” He lose his fucking damn mind

“Please Jean… Jean aaaah there!” you catch his eyes in the mirror’s shadow of the window, watching him fucking you, He pulls your hair hard and grabs your hip seeing you begging for more.

He leans forward, softly whispers to your ear “Are you never get fucked since… that day right”

You both groaned and panted, then he slapped your ass and yelled “Answer me… you slut!!!”

“Y-Yes s Jean… I never get fucked, get any… aahh any cock since that day” you shut your eyes and blushed.

“Hahah… good… since that day huh? I just knew it”

He then kissed your neck and your lips, and he hurled you into the bed, flipped you to bend your ass into him

“Ugh” you whined

“Don’t you dare cry… since you never get fucked for so long, I will make you never beg for it again at least for a while” He pointed his index finger at you. He’s so fierce and you’re kinda like him this way

He filled you up, making you moan so loud

“Hghhhh…. J-Jeannnnn”

Jean strongly wrapped his arms around your bare skin and moved his hips while your ass also moved against his hips too.

"Scream for me, (Y/N) I know you a slut, so scream for my cock” he smirked as he pounded your tight ass

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH”

“There J-Jean… hehh…. Hah...ah...hah...I love you...Jean” You panted and looked up at him

“Yes… babe you finally say it ahhh… fuck... mmmm you drive me crazy once again” Jean growled and thrust into your sweet little ass.

"I'm gettin... Jean... i'm gettin.. close... ahhh hrr...Jean" 

"fuck... hrr come on... fuck...mm" 

“Jean… Jean I’m cumming ahhh” you looked up at him, blushing

“Then cum babe…” he wrapped his arm tighter, his hand pumping your cock and moving his hip faster, feeling him thrusting your spot over and over

“Ahhhhh… mmm… ahhhh haaa” you blushed at that

“Woahhh! That’s load” he chuckled at you a little, while still thrusting your ass

“Don’t J-Jean don't look at me… It’s embarrassing” you whined and gasped

“Why not? I love to see you cum… so now it’s my turn” he smirked and you felt him closer then kissed your neck again, you felt his warm hot breathe on your nape

You're already cum but he's not yet so you can't take his cock anymore, and you feel it moving faster and harder against your hips, you felt the shaking but you don’t know if the bed is shaking because he fucked you so hard or the ground is shaking because of the rumbling.

"J-Jean... ahhh Je- Jeannaaah... haah...fuck I-I can't" you looked at him and begged him to cum now

"damn it...fuck you bitch... I know you like it....aaaagh" 

"Yes... Jean I can feel your huge cock inside me...ummaahh" you gasped in pain

"Fuck... I'm gettin close.. close umm"

Jean thrusts deeper and deeper “I- I’m cumming (Y/N)… haaahh hgh”

“let me cum inside you okay? hgh” he’s seeing you suffers his cock, makes him grunting then his last thrust just went deepest into your horny spot

“Haahh… Wait J-Jean please don…” you begged him but it was too late

“Aaaaaaagh... fuuuuckkk... ahh” Jean’s deep voice growled

His warm huge load cum inside you now, that makes you cry out and your hole just filled up by his cum, Jean pulled his cock out and his cum dripped out of your ass too, his massive loads of cum poured out of your hole and flowed down on your thighs

Jean turned you, now you're facing him, but he's not gonna stop, he unexpectedly thrust his member into your tight hole once again

"AAAAAAHHHHH! J-Jeannnnn" your eyes widening, you pull the bed sheets and crying in pain

"Agggh...agh.. fuck.." he gasped, and his huge load still poured in your ass 

You felt him cum inside, that's a lot, then he pulled it out and his large load still pouring down, your walls are completely destroyed.

"hhhh... hrrrr...hack hack" You gasped and cough a little

"That's right... my boy... hack hack" he looked down at you

his fingers wiped his cum from your hole then feed you with it

“J-Jean” You panted and looked up at him.

“Taste it (Y/N).... please... taste my cum” he begged you now

“Ummm…uummm hrk…” You slowly opened your mouth to taste his fingers covered his cum, and he puts into your mouth

“That’s it… it’s taste good right”

You don’t answer him because you enjoy his delicious cum

“Let me taste it... in your mouth” Jean leaned on and kissed you with his tongue. He thirstily licked your lips and tongue, he wanted to taste it too

He touched your face softly, and you felt his hair touched your face too

You hugged him and closed your eyes, and he rested his strong body on you

“You’re so incredible (Y/N)” He looked at your face, and blushed

“J-Jean I love you” you blushed

“Me too... I love you too my sweet boy” he let out a deep chuckle

You both already forgot about is Hange still waiting for them or not, forget about is Jean going to join the Yeagerists with Floch or not, forgot about the rumbling, it’s just you and him.

At least for now… 

He smiles softly and kisses you gently. You love the way he makes you feel like you’re safely in the palm of his hand. You love the way he holds you. Cause you love him.

He cannot stop kissing you. He loves the way you moan for him, begging for more, but at the same time, he’s just want to be polite, be nice, and protect you as a man who loves you. He loves you since he was a young boy from Trost.

“Thank you so being here with me, for holding my hands, for forgiving me all the time… Thank you for always being so kind to me, Thank you for walking to my life since then…(Y/N)” Jean thought,

He knows, he absolutely is going to meet Hange tonight for sure, he knows what is the right thing to do, but for now, he just wants to stay here with you as long as he can, before didn’t stand a chance of being with you.

He closed his eyes

And the flashback starts...

................


	2. Where It All Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and his lover still laying on the bed, cuddling each other and thinking back when they were young when they met for the first time in Trost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not good at English and gramma. Sorry for that. I hope you enjoy this chapter  
> [Warning]  
> \- little manga spoilers  
> \- It's a BL story  
> \- a little bit of lime  
> \- Long conversations  
> \- bad gramma  
> \- PWP  
> .........................  
> \- (Y/N) = Your name  
> \- (Y/LN) = Your last name

He closed his eyes

And the flashback starts...

Back in the year 845

Jean Kirstein born and raised in Trost. It is a town located on the south edge of Wall Rose. He lived with his mom. He was chubby back then. He has a friend named Thomas Wagner who also lived here too. They are always together. One day Thomas and a couple of friends called for Jean at his front door. After they know a Cadet Corps are sent to Jean's hometown of Trost District

“Oi Oi Jeannn… Come on” Thomas called for Jean

Jean ran down the stairs and go outside with them “Hey guys, what are we gonna do today?”

“Today a Cadet Corps is training in our town, are you guys want to watch them train?” The other boy said

“Wow… a Cadet Corps of course yes!” Thomas wants to see them train

“I want to see them fly”

“What? They can fly?” Jean widely eyes open

“Yes but actually no…”

“Well… they used it when facing the Titans in combat,” Thomas said

“It’s called ODM gear or something like that”

“They use it to move through the air. Like they fly” The other boy tried to explain

“Woah it’s cool” Jean wants to see them fly

So the boys are running in a rush to where a Cadet Corps is training, and then they saw them move past over their head so fast, and one of them just cut the fake Titan’s nape, makes the boys so excited “Ahhh! Woahhhhhhh” the boys scream

And then a Cadet Corps just moves through away to the 3 - 4 blocks so fast, the boys follow them, Jean is running in front of everyone, he’s so excited for what he just saw, and he’s running so fast.

“Oi Oi Jean Jean wait” Thomas shouted but Jean acts like he doesn’t hear it

“Wow they’re flying… so cool,” Jean thought and his eyes widen, he looks up at them in the sky and don’t look in the front, and keep chasing them.

“Someday someday… someday I’m going to fly like them, getting out of this town, living a peaceful in the inner walls,” Jean thought

He runs into the alley then he bumps with the boy on the street so hard makes he and the boy fall over. Jean lays on top of the poor boy, and the poor boy head’s hits on the ground.

“Ouch! Ahhhh that’s hurt” Jean cried out

Thomas and the other boys that running follows Jean is suddenly stopped for what they saw in front of them “Oi Jean… Are you okay?” the boys grab his arms try to help

“Ouchh ouch I’m fine I’m fine” Jean tries to get up but his knee thrusts the poor boy’s stomach so hard by accident

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!” the poor boy cried out in pain

“Oi Oi Oi Oi…” Jean hastily gets up, his eyes widen in shock

“Ahhh…ugh” the poor boy gasped

“(Y/N)… What! A-Are you okay?” Thomas recognized that the poor boy is his neighbor

And the poor boy is you

“Oi… it’s your fault. Not mine, you don’t look the way!” Jean blamed him

You tried to get up, looked up to him. Your hands hold your stomach and then your head is bleeding.

“Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi” Jean and the boys panic after saw all the blood

Thomas just stunted in shock too “Are you bleeding?” Thomas is the only one who helps you get up while the others just stand still in shock

“(Y/N) are you okay? You are bleeding” He concerned while holding your hands. You don’t answer but shake your head instead

“Is your head hit the ground or hit his head?” Thomas assumed then you just close your eyes and passed out

“Woah Woah Woah… (Y/N)” Thomas hastily grabs your waist, and the other boys tried to help too

“Oi are you okay? Man” “Oi Oi Oi” “Damn he passed out” the boys yelled

Jean looked into you, he felt guilty but he glared at you in rage.

Thomas used his bandana wrapped around your head to stop the bleed. You still fainted. So Thomas and the boys help to carry you. They ignore Jean and leave him to stand alone.

“Oi, you guys…” Jean felt like everyone just ignore him and they only pay attention to him. The other boy suddenly yelled at Jean “Why you still standing like that, help us this boy is injured”

“But but he did it himself. It’s not my fault” Jean insisted

“It’s nobody’s fault, Jean and it’s not a time to that, Can you just help us now?” Thomas yelled

Jean can’t believe Thomas yelled at him. He clenched his fists, gritted his teeth, and run away. Thomas and the other boys sighed and let him go then they’re taking you home. Your parents are worried about you and thank them for the help. The boys are leaving, Thomas thanks them too for the help. He’s so worried about you not only you are his neighbor but you are also like his little brother. 

Jean is hiding at the corner of the street, saw everything like you injured and fainted, your parent panicked, Thomas worried about you, the other boys felt guilty. Thomas said goodbye to the boys. He saw it all and then Thomas saw him and run to him and Jean tried to run again

“Oi Jean” Thomas grabs his arms

“Let me go, Thomas, go take care that brat, your neighbor”

“He’s now with a doctor, don’t worried”

Jean paused “Hey… Is he going to be alright, right?” Jean asked Thomas while looking down on the street

“Um… I hope he’s going to be okay. He’ll be fine, they’re said”

“But he bled” Jean worried

“Are you worried about him?” Thomas smiled

“Oi… No way! He’s the one who doesn’t look the way, it’s not my fault all at” Jean blushed

“Well I didn’t see what exactly happen… but you know full well,” Thomas said

“Hey! Yea… so he’s your neighbor?”

“Yes he’s kinda like my little brother, our parents know each other and he often comes to play at my place”

“Your little brother?”

“Yea, he’s one year younger than us and I care so much about him” Thomas blushed with a nervously grin on his face as he scratched his head

“Huh?!… Really? And His name is (Y/N) right?” Jean blushed

“Yea (Y/N) he’s a quiet person, shy and too naïve but he’s kinda honest and cute,” Thomas said, Jean looked at him

“Jean, are you really want to know him? Will I introduce him to you? So you can able to apologize him” Thomas smirked

“Oi, what are you talking about? Who’s going to apologize to that annoying brat…. Damn, I’m gonna go now…” Jean is more blushed. He suddenly runs away from Thomas so fast leaves him standing in awkward, he arrived home and went to his room, He’s now in bed, under covers

He thought about you… he bumped you, he was on top of you, he kneed you in the stomach, he yelled at you, he saw you cried, saw you bled, saw you passed out. “Damn why I’m thinking about that brat and why I’m blushing ahhh” he thought, under covers

“Jean boy, How many times I call you, It’s dinner time” Jean’s mother suddenly enters the room with supper in hand

“Mom!!!! Please knock on the door”

A couple days later Jean just hanging around in the outskirts of town, still thinking about what he has done to you “Damn I’ve done nothing wrong” Jean mumbled and he met Thomas

“Oi Jean” Thomas called on him

“Oi Thomas… what are you doing?” Jean waved back

Thomas is holding carnations in his hands. Looks like he’s picking up flowers or something and Jean walked to him

“Uh… I’m just picking up some flowers”

“HUHH! For What?”

“The flowers that I brought to visit (Y/N) the last time are withered, so I'm gonna bring some fresh flowers to him again” Thomas blushed

“That brat still not recovered?” Don’t know why Jean is blushing

“Yea… He still got a pain in his head. He has been like this for several days” Thomas toned his voice down. He worried about you and Jean looked sad too

“Well, I hope these flowers will make him get better at least until (Y/N) make a full recovery. I want to be with him. Not only we’re neighbors but he’s also like my little brother too. I just want to help everything I can while he is recovering and one more thing I also want to apologize to him” Thomas almost cries

Jean looks gloomy. He knows it’s his entire fault. But he’s on a high horse all the time.

“Why the long face, Jean?” Thomas asked

“Why! Thomas Why you have to apologize to him. It’s all my fault, Is it?” Jean gritted his teeth

Thomas understands Jean’s feeling now, He wants to apologize to you but he’s afraid to face you. Jean turns out to help Thomas picked some flowers because he wants to indirectly apologize to you but he didn’t know how to then they walked to your home together.

Thomas gives the flowers to your mom “Thank you so much, Thomas you are very sweet” Your mom thanks Thomas

“Mrs. (Y/LN), this is Jean, he wants to visit (Y/N) today” Thomas introduced Jean to your mom

“Nice to meet you Jean thank you for coming”

“N-Nice to meet you Mrs. (Y/LN)” Jean blushed

“Are you also my son’s friend? You also want to visit (Y/N) right?” awww so sweet” she smiles

“Uh uh… No no no I about to leave now Mrs. (Y/LN)” Jean denied and avoided her eyes but more blushing while Thomas just grinned

“Come on, my son is going to happy to see two of you, he doesn’t have many friends” She pushes Jean’s back to go up the stairs while Thomas just smiles and follows them

“Well to thank you for coming today, before you go home I’ll also make dinner for you guys” She leaves Jean and Thomas at your door and go back to the kitchen to prepare for dinner

“Well, Jean what’s now?” Thomas asked

“Uh Uh I-I I want to go home” Jean’s face is all red

“Come on, come to apologize for him, you’re already here”

“But I’m not wrong! It’s not my fault. He is the one who…”

“Jean! Get off your high horse already!” Thomas glared at him

“Huhhhhh? Aight!... fine”

Then you just open the door because you can hear they’re talking in front of your door, Jean has widened his eyes while he saw you, You still wrapped the bandage around your head, Thomas pushes him into your room. You are blushed.

You never let the others enter your room except for your parents and Thomas, so this is the first time you let the stranger into your room. You let them in and you sit on your bedside while they’re sitting on the floor. You don’t say anything, just look at Jean in curious then look at Thomas like want to ask “Who the hell is him?”

“Uh (Y/N) this is Jean, remember?” Thomas breaks the silence. You still confused and blushed

“Uh… hmmm… You met him the other day remember? The brat who runs to hit you”

“Oi Thomas” Jean glared at him then you stare at Jean for a while

“Oi don’t stare at me like that… It’s creepy” Jean mumbled

“Jean, did you have something to say to (Y/N) right?” Thomas gives him a sign

“Huh? seriously” Jean still acts like a jerk then your eyes just widen and you are shaking then go under covers in your bed “Oi what are you?” Jean frightened, Thomas too

You are shaking and crying under covers realize that Jean is the boy who makes you injured. Jean tried to pull off the covers but you pull it back. “Oi what the fuck brat” Jean is so angry but Thomas tried to calm him down

“Jean, calm down. He is crying. Don’t you see?” then Jean stopped

“Hey (Y/N) it’s alright, he’s not gonna do anything to you, he just wants to apologize” Thomas tried to comfort you, but then Jean is about to go home

“Who wants to apologize to a crybaby like him, I’ll go home now” Jean look displeased and go down to stairs and left. “Jean wait” Thomas tried to stop him and your mom was like

“Hey Jean, Where are you going? The dinner is almost done” but He’s just running straight away to his home. He holds his tear, angry, blushed, and yelled “Shhhhhhhhhit”

Thomas is what a good brother, he puts his arms around you, tried to calm you down “hey hey hey, he left, he’s not here. No one is going to hurt you. I’m right here.” You are hugging him back and still sobbing, Thomas is stroking your head gently. “You’ll be fine (Y/N), He’s gone now” You look up at Thomas. You felt safe and want him to be here with you.

One or two weeks later, Jean still not says “Sorry” to you. He tried to avoid you even his friend Thomas. He incidentally meets Thomas again in the town, he tried to run away from him but Thomas like “Oi Jean, where’ve you been?”

Jean suddenly stopped running, he saw you then his eyes go wide in awkward “Hey hey Thomas, how are you?” Thomas takes you outside today.

“Jean where’ve to be been? We never see each other like two weeks” Thomas asked him and you hide behind him back, tried to avoid Jean’s eyes

“Uh… I’m I’m… no, I’m… I’m just” Jean looked at you in blushed and awkward

“Haha Aight… you‘re so awkward” Thomas grabs your waist and turns you around from Jean

“hey, wait” Jean tried to stop Thomas, and you

“Uhhh hey… (Y/N) right… your head… uh Have you recovered?” Jean asked you, blushing

“Hey (Y/N) Jean is asking you” Thomas looked at you gently tried to convince you to answer Jean

“…I-I…..I” you still hide behind Thomas’s back and grab his arms in blushed, Damn this awkward moment Jean gave up on you, he and Thomas sighed "ugh"

“I don’t understand, Thomas. Why this brat is not saying anything” Jean angered

“Ha HA, he’s quiet and shy and not familiar with a stranger, maybe he’s still mad at you”

“Huh! Are you still mad at me? And I’m not a stranger, my name is Jean Kirstein, we’ve met twice or three times now… Baka” Jean is very loud that make you more scared him

Suddenly Jean’s mom just popped up looked like she is doing grocery shopping and then said to his son like “Jean-boy, here you are. I’m looking around for you”

“Mommmm” Jean blushed. He didn’t like the way his mom called him Jean-boy especially in front of his friends

“Jean-boy hurry back home, it’s almost dinner time, today I’ll make an omelet for you, It’s your favorite Jean-boy” 

“Mom, don’t call me that” Jean covered his chubby cheeks with his hands, while Thomas smile with his eyes closed and you just don’t know what is going on

“Why! It’s cute, doesn’t it? Jean-boy Jean-boy Jean-boy” his mom said his nickname on repeat that makes Jean angry now then he drives her away in embarrassment. But that makes you chuckle a little

“All right don’t be late home okay? Jean-boy” his mom patted his son's head and went back home, that makes Jean more embarrassing

“What a lovely mom Jean” Thomas smile with his eyes closed

“Huh!!” Jean glared at Thomas and you. He sees you chuckle a little makes him more blushed “He finally smile” Jean thought

You walked into Jean. Thomas still smile with his eyes closed then you raised your hands and grabbed his chubby cheeks then squeeze them “J-Jean-boy Jean-boy Jean-boy…” you squeeze his cheeks and said “Jean-boy” on repeat

“Ahhh ahha ahah Oi Oi” Jean gasped and his tears slipped

“Oi Oi Oi (Y/N) what are you doing” Thomas tried to stop you

“Oi what the fuck” Jean yelled at you but you just chuckled

“Your name is Jean right…” You looked at him

“Huh… you can talk now, the fuck”

Since that day, Jean always bullies you all the time when you met each other because he didn’t like the way you called him “Jean-boy”. You didn’t like Jean back then because he liked to bullies you and you always cry and run to Thomas. Because He is like your big brother and you have a secret crush on him (Thomas). But you didn’t know that Jean also has an unconsciously secret crush on you too.

…………..

Flashbacks fade away

…………..

“Ha ha Aaah ha ha” Jean chuckles

“J-Jean what’s funny?” you asked him

“Nothing nothing ha ah ha ah ah” he’s still laughing

“What! Jean, tell me, are you laughing at me? Jean” you squeezed his nipples

“ouch ouch aight… I’m just thinking back when we were young, back in Trost”

After the intense lovemaking together. You both still laying on the bed, cuddling each other in half spoon, you rest your head on his chest while he wraps his strong arm around you as he lies on his other arm, you are close enough to him to feel warm and safe. You looked up to him as he looked down on you.

“We were both you when I first saw you. You were shy, quiet, and innocent haha you’re annoyed back then” Jean laughs at you “but I thought you’re cute”

“Huh? You thought I was cute when you were 10” you blushed

“Haha… Remember the first time we saw each other, I injured you on the street made you passed out, I felt guilty but I refused to apologize to you” Jean is playing your hair

“Yea what a bastard, you was so mean”

“Oi… I was 10” you both laugh

“Oh and you used to be chubby awww” you smiled at him

“Yea you loved to squeeze my cheeks and I hate it haha”

“You hated me for that and you were such a bully, why did you like to bully me?” You fondle his chest, back when they were young Jean always like to tease you because he likes you.

“I don’t know why maybe I just felt jealous when I saw you and Thomas together, I wish it was me to be with you. I was such a jerk” Jean cups my face in his hand and he kisses me so deeply

“J-Jean…” you fall into his kisses and then you break out your tears

“Hey, why are you crying?” Jean looks worried about you

“I don’t know, thinking back when we were young. How happy we were. You, me and Thomas we always used to together” Thomas was like your big brother, he always cares about you, and you used to love him so much. You, Jean, and Thomas always stuck around together and decided to join The Cadet Corps later

“Hey if he saw you crying like this, he will worry about you. So stop crying” Jean consoles you with his hand touching your face gently

“I miss him, Jean I always miss Thomas why J-Jean why he had to die why they had to die”

“(Y/N)… Thomas will be so proud of us, you know that we finally moved on and no longer in the pain of our loss” Jean looked into you and kisses your forehead

“Yea… I love you Jean”

you close your eyes

and flashbacks start….


	3. The Last Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and his lover think back to the year 847. You spend time together on the last day in Trost before he joined a Cadet Corps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still bad grammar y'all lol.  
> I've tried and I've tried to keep them all satisfied but lol
> 
> [Warning]  
> \- little manga spoilers  
> \- It's a BL story  
> \- a little bit of lime  
> \- lemon scene  
> \- explicit scene  
> \- bad grammar  
> \- PWP  
> .........................  
> \- (Y/N) = Your name

You thought back to your memories in the year 847

It was 2 years after you first met with Jean and it was one day before he and Thomas leave Trost to join a Cadet. You and Thomas are in the wide-open space, an outskirt of the town, lie on some prairie enjoying the breeze and the warm sunshine of the afternoon. What a beautiful day. But you’re quite sad because a day like this will be gone forever.

You and Thomas are waiting for Jean who already 10 minutes late now, so you love this moment because it’s only you and Thomas which that bastard, Jean is not around here. You just want to spend the rest of the time with Thomas.

You love to be with him. He’s so kind and always cares about you. He’s always protecting you no matter what. He’s like such a sweet brother to you. Unlike Jean, the one who always bullies and teases you all the time. You don’t know why Jean always makes fun of you. Sometimes he’s so mean to you but sometimes he’s so nice to you. Why? You were asking yourself.

“I love a day like this, you know?” Thomas looked up and raises his hand in the sky

“I don’t want you to go, Thomas” You put your arms around his shoulders and look at him. He grabs your arms back with his hands but he still looks up in the sky

“One day (Y/N) we’ll grow up and leave our friends, our family, and our home, leave this town. Have our own path. We can’t be together forever, you know?” Thomas started to fill with tears

“Thomas, do you really have to go? Can I go with you?” You looked up at him in worried and you started to cry. You hug him tighter. You don’t want him to go. Thomas doesn’t say anything but you can spot that he looked sad and happy at the same time.

“You can’t wait to get out of this town, right? You always want to…” You thought. He looked at you and kisses your forehead softly. This is your first kiss with him.

“Before I’ll be leaving tomorrow, I will be lying here with you (Y/N)” You and he fall asleep together in the arms, in the wide-open space. “I wish I had me a pause button, a moment like this. Can give me one more day, just one more day” you thought

About 10 more minutes later, Jean finally shows up “Oi, Thomas… Oi, (Y/N) Oi” he tried to wake you and Thomas up but you both still sleeping, holding each other on the ground. Jean decides to lie down beside you. He watches you asleep, and then you turned yourself to him. Suddenly, Jean is blushing, open his eyes widen. “Oi, Oi”

“Ummmm” You whine a little, and Jean lets his hand touching your hair, he gently looks at you with a smile. You put your arms to hug him, unexpectedly. He flinches a little but he lets you hug him anyway.

“Haha… stupid, (Y/N)” He blushed, looked at you, and held your arms tight. He can’t keep his eyes out of you. “Hey, not only your Thomas but I also being here with you, Baka” he said to you while let you hug him. “And tomorrow I’ll be gone, so how dare you sleep like this, wake up (Y/N) let me make fun of you one last time, please” He thought

Thomas already wakes up and sees it all. He just smiles at you two and he said to Jean like “Hey what are you doing with him?”

“Huh!? Thomas, are you awake?” Jean suddenly pushes your arms away from him and sits up in a blush. You're sleeping and turn back to Thomas. Thomas just smiles with his eyes closed.

“Oh… uh… he just put his arms around me… what a stupid… haha” Jean is awkward.

“Jean, are you really into him right?” Thomas teases him

“HUHHH?” Jean blushed. Why Thomas is said anything like this? “How the hell I’m into this crybaby” Jean thought

“I know it already, Jean haha” Thomas giggles, stands up, and stretches himself out.

“If you love him, tell him before you go” Thomas said to Jean

“What are you just say?” Jean confuses

“Jean, don’t lie to yourself” Thomas grazes

“But- but… Thomas, I thought you love him” Jean surprise about what Thomas said

“Yea I love him but I love him as a little brother, nothing more” Thomas smiles at him and Jean stuns

“Jean, I knew all the time since then that you’re into him. You always make fun of him, called him stupid, being a jerk with him but you did all of that because you like him, right?” he continues

“Shut up, Thomas, He’s stupid, always cried, like to argue with me. How I like him. I’m not fallen in love with anyone” Jean argues in blush. Thomas sees the bewildered look on his face.

“A tough guy, huh? Well Jean, do what you have to do. Haha aight I think I’d better go, I have a lot of things to do before I go. Please tell him do not to worry about me. See you tomorrow Jean” Thomas waves at him and leaves.

Jean doesn't say anything just looks at him leaving and he looks back at Jean and you like he wants to say something but he doesn't. Then he left.

“So he'll not even say goodbye to him…” Jean thought

Leave you and Jean alone together and Jean looks back at you and touches your face and your silky hair. He leans down beside you and said “I never gonna say it to you, stupid”

You turn back to Jean and put your arms into his shoulder. You pull Jean closer and closer and then he also falls asleep with you and you just get lost in his arms.

The sound of cicadas can be heard along with a gentle breeze blowing, it’s a sound of summer. The weather ain’t that hot today. What a good afternoon weather.

“Ummmm… ” You whine more and move your face closer to his, which is your mouth almost touches his and then slowly open your eyes. The first thing you see when you wake is Jean’s face. The boy with spiky brown hair with undercut shaved in black. He’s now tall and not chubby anymore. He closed his eyes and cuddle with you. Your eyes are slowly widened and your face is slowly blushing.

“Huh, huh HAAAA what” you push his long face away from you. It makes him quite shock a little bit because he’s still drowsy.

“Ouch, wha… what da fuck are you doing? It’s hurt” Jean yells

“I’m the one who would rather ask than you what the fuck are you doing to me?” you are flustered and put your arms around yourself

“What? Is this so wrong that I'm just napping?” Jean smacks back

“No, but- but why are you hug me?” You are finally asking some stupid question

“Huh? You are the one who turns to hug me first, ask yourself!” Jean crossed his arms and feels awkward to reply to you.

“No way I never going to hug you, never” Your face is all red

“But you just did it… stupid” He also blushed

“Uh… Huh… and you just let it happened. You let me hug you!! and Why’re you all red? What is going on here?” and you’re still blushed

“Uh… Well… uh” He can’t say any words, just looked down on the ground. You can’t say anything too, the wind is blowing… and the grass blows in the wind. You lost in the silence between you and him.

You break the silence with your question. “Where’s Thomas?” You look around for your sweet brother, running around round and round to find him. You worry about him and keep asking yourself “Where is he? Where is he?”

“Thomas…. THOMASSSS” You yell his name on repeat. Jean looked at you run through a wide-open field like crazy. That makes him so blue. You run back to Jean and ask him

“Jean, did you see him? Did you see Thomas? Jean. Answer me, Jean, tell me” You pinch his arms hard and beg for him to answer the question.

“(Y / N) listen to me, you need to calm down…” Jean tries to calm you down but you do not listen.

“Did you see him right? Jean”

“Hey hey hey…. Shuuuu” Jean puts his index finger up, making a shushing gesture. But you’re still anxious.

“Hey hey… He just left maybe he just go back home now” Jean grabs your arms

“But you don’t know right. Where he actually is? I need to find him” you’re more flustered

“Hey hey listen…”

“We need to find him, Jean. Tomorrow He’ll be leaving. I’ll never see him again. Where is he? Where is Thomas?” You keep asking the same question

“Listen… just shut up” Jean trailed off, a small frown on his face.

“Hey maybe he’s leaving now… maybe”

“UUUUHHH…. YOU’RE SO ANNOYINGGGGG” Jean finally has out of patience and glares at you

You are shocked and speechless, and you slowly walk away from him… You step on the prairie and turn to run away from him. You run away because he’s scared you, the way he yelled and the way he glared at you. His eyes and His voice make you scared. You keep running away from him make the long distance between you and him.

“Jean, why are you had to yell at me? You are a jerk, what a bastard” You yell at him in your mind and keep running.

“Hey stop, (Y/N)” Jean is chasing after you and then the wind blows against your both faces. It stops you from running. Jean is walking to you from the back and said “Hey, (Y/N) tomorrow, I’ll be leaving too I can't be here with you anymore and also Thomas…. So I don’t wanna fight with you anymore. (Y/N) Can you just please listen to me?”

You stun and your eyes are blurry because your tears about to falling down. You hug yourself and shaking. You can’t accept that you’ll be going to lose Thomas and Jean at the same time and never see them again. “Why, Jean why do you and Thomas have to leave?” You cried out “You can’t leave me alone. I can’t- I can’t accept it” You gets it off of your chest

Jean feels sympathetic toward you but he has his own desire to join the Military Police is due to wanting an easy and safe life. “(Y/N) I have my own path. I want to leave this town. I want to live in the interior Walls. You need to understand that everyone has to grow up and moving on for better life even Thomas himself. It might be selfish but that’s it- That’s it (Y/N)”

“Even you huh? Jean why, why have everyone leave me? First, Thomas and now you” you cover your face with your hands and cry “No more, the day that we’re together. The day that you always make fun of me and Thomas always protect me, no more”

Jean surprisingly hugs you from the back. He puts his arms around you and puts his chin on your shoulder and whispers to you “You’ll be fine (Y/N)… you’ll be alright, I just wanna say goodbye to you” This is the first time that you feel he gentles to you and it might be the last time.

Your eyes are glow. His hug is so soft and gentle. “J-Jean” you can feel his hot breath touches your neck. That makes you on your knees. You and he kneel on the ground together while he’s still hugging you.

“Don’t tell me that I’ll be fine. It won’t be fine, Jean. I can’t accept it. Please be the same you. That bastard Jean-boy where he is?” you cried out more and Jean hugs you tighter. He puts his head on the crook of your neck tried to comfort you.

“You have to be strong to yourself. It's time for you to get serious, stop being silly and you’ll get through it (Y/N) No matter how hard it gets. It won't always be like this” Jean slaps back to you

“You are so mean and Thomas is also so mean. He left me without saying goodbye” You’re kept crying

“He’s not even brave enough to say it to you. He’s not even facing you. What a pity. But I’m here (Y/N). I’ll say it to you” He puts his nose closer to your cheek and said

“I love…. tsk…” Jean whispers it into your ear but suddenly stops and you heard it and stun a little

“What? J-Jean” Your tears stop with your eyes widen.

He can’t say that word to you and he just suddenly change it into “I love to do it to you like this” He wraps his arms around you from the back. His hug is painfully tight and you are about to pull out, he catches you in a leg lock. He wraps his legs around your legs, locking them between his legs and body. “Ah…ha let me do it to you for the last time”

“Hgh… J-Jean let me out, let me. It’s hurt Jean” You beg for him. He loved to do a bear hug to you like this all the time. It’s like a normal situation for you. But this time is different, in a normal he’ll let you out after you said that it hurt. He doesn’t let you go this time. You can feel his hot breath on your neck that makes you feel weird.

“J-Jean what are you doing” You yell at him but the more you struggle, the tighter he squeezes

“I’m hugging you” Jean grins at you. He does this to you because he's not brave enough to say he loves you. Then he puts his lips on your neck, smells your skin. He’s necking you now.

“J-Jean, J-Jean… ahhh” Your yell turns into a moan, unconsciously

“You don’t want me to leave, right? Why don’t we stay here for a while?” 

The breeze can be heard and felt. His warm breath either with the sunshine which touches your skin can be felt. He keeps bit and kiss your neck harder and harder. You feel strange with it. Nobody does this to you before. This is your first time.

“You make it hard (Y/N)” Jean said while still kiss your neck. You blushed

“What are you doin’? J-Jean please stops, ugh” you begged for him

“You make it hard… hard for me to leave you” He stops kissing you and cups your face to make eye contact with him. Your skin is bruised a little because of his hug. Your eyes meet with his and your heart is aching.

“What? What is this feeling? Why my heart is beating like this?” you thought while looking at him

Then he said something to you “I’m sorry…”

“Jean” You like ‘Is he say sorry to me?”

“I have to leave this town. I have to leave you alone. I’m sorry.” Jean hugs you from the back but this time is not hurt. He really gently hugs you and then he continues.

“But more importantly, though, I’m sorry… sorry to not say sorry to injure you that day”

You stun for a second “That day, that day when we first met. The day that we met each other on the street. The day that he came to my room and this is what he wants to say ‘I’m sorry’ he finally said it. He wants to say it all along.” You immediately start bawling your eyes out again

Jean turns you to face with him. He grabs your cheeks with his two hands. Look into your eyes

“(Y/N) remember, Just 'cause I'm leavin'. It doesn't mean that I won't be right by your side. It's okay, I know you're scared when I'm not here. But I'll always be right here” Jean places his hand on your right chest.

“Jean” Your tears can’t stop dropping “Why? Why he’s so kind to me, he’s never so gentle to me like this. He’s different from that bastard who always so mean to me” you thought

He gazes at you and you gaze back. His eyes contact you. His face is red again, and yours too. You lean over to him closer to him, closer and closer till your lips touch his lips for a second, and then suddenly you pull your face back. It happens so quickly. So this is basically your first kiss.

“What are you just doing? (Y/N) Are you kissed me?” Jean gets stiffed.

“I- I’m sorry Jean. I’m stupid I’m so dumb” you bow your head to sorry him and thought “What the fuck I just did? He’s the one who I hate so much”

But Jean just simpers and gazes at you make you feel uncomfortable but then because of he keeps gazing at you. It melts you. So you gaze him back.

He slowly moves closer to you. You both were leaning into each other very closely. He gently looks at you. You close your eyes and he just puts his soft lips on yours. It’s not like the last time. It’s so gentle. Your heart is beating. He gently grabs your ass. This strange feeling distracts you.

“No, no, this feeling it’s not right. I hate you. You are so mean. I’m not in love with you. No, it couldn’t be… I won’t let myself thinking of it” you thought

You don’t like the way it is. However, you let him kiss you. He’s still kissing on your lips, now he’s letting his tongue into your mouth. He wants to feel every corner of your mouth. You got a little carried away, lost in his arms and his kiss.

“This is not the same feeling that I felt to Thomas. It’s different from Thomas. The feeling with Jean is more affecting than Thomas’s. I never felt with Thomas like this. But with Jean, it’s like… Am I falling in love with him?” you thought and tried to push him away.

He doesn’t let you push him. He hugs you tighter, presses and forces you down on the ground then he gives you a French-kiss. He wrings your both wrists so hard. You and he moaned a little during making out. You melt by his kiss. Jean pulls back his lips from yours. His saliva spill over into your mouth. Your both face is red.

“Hngh…Ha Hngh ngh… ha… ha” you flinch

“Ha aha… Hngh” both of you gasp for breath and sweat, not sure, it’s because the weather is hot or the heat between you and him. You both aren’t saying anything but look at each other.

“Damn it, all of this time why I’m so mean to him. He’s so adorable. This is so weird. Do I really fall in love… with him?” Jean thought as gaze into your eyes. He lightly runs his fingers and gently runs his thumb in a sweeping motion over your ears and your neck.

He slowly and lightly sweeps his lips along your ears and your neck and then increase in pressure. It makes you moan, flinch and feel spasm.

“J-Jean… J-Jean haaa”

He trousers your pants down and rolls your shirt up. You let him do it. Leave you half-naked as still your shirts and underpants on. Jean bites your nipples as his both hands still grab your hands so tight.

“Ahhh Ahhh J-Jeean” you gasp

“Hghhhhh” He moans and then you can feel there’s something between your legs is rubbing. He lets his cock rubs against yours and your legs are open for him immediately.

Jean doesn't even take off his clothes. He still wears his shirt and his trousers while you are half-naked only your underpants on and your shirt rolls up. Both of you got dirty by the dust on the grass. Your bare skin gets itchy because of the grass and the bugs bit you. 

"Jean hgh... stop... hghh... stop, please" You beg him to stop and writhe in agony on the ground.

He saw you like that and he’s kinda sorry to you. He just realized that he loves you and maybe you have the feeling to him too. He doesn’t wanna hurt you anymore but he has to go, so he has to do something like this for you to hate him again. It will be easy for you to forget him and easy for him to move on.

Jean grabs your hands so hard and leans down to whisper to your ear "Shut up, hold still, will you?" 

"J-Jean... don't" your eyes are red because of your tears and push his weight away and pound his chest and his shoulders to get away from him but he's so stronger than you. You can't stop his violent action.

He fervently rubs his cock against your cock. It makes you start to scream out loud. But he quickly bites your lips to shut you up. He also pitches your arms, your chest, and your neck so hard. Your bare skin is so much bruise because of that. 

"Hmmmm... mmmmm..." Jean moans and severelymoves his hips against your cock over and over.

"humph.... ahh" You whine a little

The sound of cicadas chirping is still so loud. The wind still blowing and the sunshine in the late afternoon burned your bare skin.

He continues to move his hips so hard make you raise your knee up tried to defend yourself from him. “Stop, Jean J-Jeannnnn… I’m hurt. It hurts my cock” You scream but you also move your cock which is in underpants against his cock which is in his trousers.

“Huh? I think you like it… don’t you? You want the old me, right?... hymhh… this is old me who always make fun of you, always mean to you” Jean glares to you while keeps rubbing his cock against yours

“Ahhh… ahh…. Haa… J-Jean” you moan and flinch and thought

“Why, why? I hate him to do this to me, but conversely, I kinda like him to do this. It sounds weird but I want it more”

You grab his collar and pull him closer to kiss you. You want it more. He looked surprised in his eyes but he accepts to kiss you back harder and harder.

“What? Why’s he not resist? But want it more. God, he really had the feeling to me. No, you can’t love me. You’ll be hurt if you love me. Just hate me like all the times” Jean thought

He bounces his cock against yours for the last time before he flips you to turn back to him. He grabs your hands tied up behind your back. He takes off your underpants. It shows him your little ass, your bare skin. He rolls your shirt up again.

“You want it huh? so don’t you cry in front of me… aghhh….” Jean bounces his crotch against your ass so hard, tries to masturbate himself. He’s still in his clothes. His one hand grabs your wrists behind your back, the other hand pulls your hair

“Ahhhhhh…. Ah ah ah J-Jean It’s hurt. I’m hurt Jean” you cried out in pain and a little scared.

“Haa ha ahhhhhhhhh…. (Y/N)” He growled. He’s getting close. He’s rubbing his cock with your ass again and again, over and over, faster and faster, then he’s cumming. So he takes off his trousers in rush and shoots his large load on your back and he flips you to shoots his load on your belly.

“Ahhhh (Y/N) Ahhhhhh……” Jean gasped with a little frown on his face.

“Ahhhhh… ha ha ha hack hack” you gasp for breath, your body is dirty, you covered on dirt and dust and his cum.

Jean puts his trousers on and looks at you. He sees you writhe in agony on the ground that makes him so hurt. He just apologizes to you for injured you that day but now he hurts you again.

“Don’t look at me, Jean don’t…” you cried and put your hands cover your body

You put on your clothes and cover your eyes and cry. Jean tried to help you dress up but you ward off his hands. “Go away, Jean… just stop… go away”

“(Y/N) I’m… sorr…” He suddenly shuts his mouth. He feels guilty but this is what he wants, he wants you to hate him. It’s a bad goodbye but his plan works for now. He looked at you for the last time and then he left you alone on the prairie without saying a word.

“This is how we say goodbye, right? I did bad to you again but I’m gonna get you off of my chest (Y/N). I gotta move on, let me let you go… That’s good, hate me, hate me more” Jean thought, cried, and walk away from you.

“Go wherever you want, Jean since you don't wanna stay anymore” You looked at him go away, and left. You’re crying. Thinking about him, since your first meeting until now. A lot of things happened between you and him. From hate to love, you grab your cock.

“No, that’s good, he left this town. No one gonna bullies me anymore, no more. Good cause I hate him so much, so much” You slowly slide your cock

“But the feels, It’s so weird. I should hate him but I actually don’t hate when he did it to me. But why did he do it to me? Does he love me? Why I let myself… why? Am I in love with him? No… It’s so hard to fall in love when I hate you at the same time” You slide your cock harder

You’re thinking about him, his face, his body, his eyes, his smile, his anger, his kiss, his cock, and you’re blushed, and getting close…. Then you’re cumming…. “Ahhhh… Damn, I’m in love with him” You laugh a little and then cry because you realize that you love him not Thomas. It’s him, Jean.

The sky turned red and getting dark. The weather is getting a little cold. Cicadas are still so loud and the fireflies glow.

“I don’t want to lose him like this” you decide to do something……

And the flashback fades...


	4. That Awkward Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and his lover still not going anywhere. They are laying on their bed. Thinking about the first day as a cadet and his lover secretly follows him to join a cadet too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad grammar as always. I tried to finish this chapter but you know what. I'm struggling with Chapter 138. I can't get over it. I can't accept it y'all. It ruined my whole month now. So this chapter is a little bit messing up so... yea  
> [Warning]  
> \- A little manga spoilers  
> \- It's a BL story  
> \- smut  
> \- lemon scene  
> \- lime scene  
> \- explicit scene  
> \- PWP  
> ..............  
> (Y/N) = Your name  
> (Y/L) = Your last name

You both still on the bed, cuddle each other. Your asshole is still hurting because earlier Jean harshly drilled your hole and it's probably about 30 minutes ago when Hange called for Jean.

Jean stares at you and you rest your head on his chest. He runs his fingers through your silky hair as you play with his chest hairs and your cock lightly touches his thick thigh. He fondles his other hardworking hand on your skin. It makes you a little tickled so you have a little idea pops on your head.

You slowly run your fingers on his chest, his nipples, and then on his side.

"Ha ha ha ha... It's tickled, I’m tickled (Y/N)" Jean chuckles

"Huh? You’re tickled? Hmmm..." You speed up to run your fingers up and down his sides

“Ha ha… (Y/N) stop… stop tickling me…” Jean tries to stop you by sweeping your hands away and pressing his arms against his sides

“Ha ha ha… You’re so cute” You laugh in blush. You straddle him, pin his arms down with your hands so he can't escape

“Oh! Do you want a tickle fight huh? Do you want a tickle fight!” Jean smirks in blushed and looks upon you

“Yea… Jean and I think I’m going to win” You look at him, Damn he’s so sexy down there

“Hmmm… I don’t fucking think so” Jean smirks and uses his strength to push your hands away from his arms and flips you and ends up you’re laying down and he pins your arms with his hands on you. He’s way too strong.

“Aghhh… no” You fail to tickle him and know what is going on next

“Right… (Y/N) who the winner here” Jean taunts. He quickly tickles your armpits and your sides with his hands.

“Hahahahaahha J-Jean Jean haha I can’t haha I can’t breathe” You laugh so hard and you can’t move because of his weight pin on your body. And yea both of you are still naked.

“Huh? huh? You can speak I don’t think you can’t breathe” Jean continues. He’s so brutal. He acts so quickly and strongly so you don’t have time to fight back with your free hands. You’re so weakened that you don't even remember that your hands are free.

“J-Jean, please I’m giving up. Hahha stop I’m giving up” You ready to give up. Jean stops and smirks at you. Jean unhands you but you just act like you give up so you try to fight him back. You quickly raise your hands to tickle him but he grabs your hands so quickly. He never lets you do it.

“Agh” you sigh

“Ah ah ahhh… You're naughty” Jean pins you by grabbing your wrists when you're on your back. He rubs his chin which is grown of beard against your chest and your belly and then your thighs.

“Ahhhh hghh… Jean” your whole body tingled because of that beard burn.

“Stop Jean… I can’t… ahhh… ha haaaa I’m really ah giving up… ahhh”

“Hmmm… really”

“Yes! Jean~ Please… haaaah!…”

“Nah… You are lying… Why are you like to lie to me?”

“No Jean… Please I- I don’t ahhhhh… haaa” you’re begging while your cock is getting hard because he continues to rub his beard on your bare skin and both of your hands pull his hair.

“You’re not a good boy this time. How do I punish you? hmmm” He kisses your thigh, your belly, your chest, and then your neck

“J-Jean…. I-I… promise I’ll stop… Hghh… so please…”

“Hahahah… you’re so funny” He suddenly stops and laughs at you. He loves the way you begging. He definitely wins this match.

“Tsk… JEANNNN… I can never win with you. you’re so strong” You’re pouting. Jean smiles at you. He’s sweetly nuzzling your neck and alternating between giving you little kisses and blowing on your skin. It’s a nice way to show you that this was all in fun.

“You’re the one who starts first” Jean stares at you. His glow makes you melt again. You raise your arms to hang around his neck, pull him down to closer to you.

“I wanna feel you feel me feel you breathing” You close your eyes and he leans down to kiss you softly. You wonder how many times you kissed each other tonight.

He rests his head on his strong hand lies on his side watching you're napping beside him. He’s playing with your hair.

“You’re so crazy, you know?” Jean said

“Hmmmmm…. What?” You’re still closing your eyes but you can hear him saying.

“Do you remember the day before I left Trost to join a Cadet, right? The day that we were…”

You open your eyes and stare still then look up at him. “J-Jean, yea never forget… our first time”

“I looked back and thought…. Wow, you were crazy, like so crazy" Jean touches your face so gently

“That day is the day I realized that I love you” You hug him

“I don’t wanna lose you, so I packed the bag and hugged my mom and dad tell them that I wanna join a Cadet with you and Thomas”

“I was so shocked that you were so fearless like that”

“Yea it was crazy… I didn’t know how I did that but I knew the one that I just wanted to be with you Jean. I didn’t want to lose you” You hug him tighter

"You decided to join the Cadet Corps because of me. I never thought that you were going to do something like that”

.......

Flashback starts again…

.......

It’s like a couple of days since Jean and Thomas left Trost. They need to wait for every cadet to arrive here so they have a couple of days to get to know each other.

And the first day begins on the day that you have arrived. The weather is so hot that day.

“Tell me who you are” Keith Shadis yells

“I’m Thomas Wagner, from Trost District!” Thomas salutes

“I can’t hear you!”

“I'm Thomas Wagner…”

“Too soft go to practice in the cattle shed!”

“Round 4, about-face!” Keith yells

And then he yells to…

“What do they call you?!”

“I’m Jean Kirstein, from Trost District!” Jean is saluting.

“And why are you here?!”

“…To join the Military Police Brigade and lead a life within the walls…” Jean sweats

“Oh, I see… You wanna live in the interior, do you?”

“Yes. Sir!”

Suddenly Keith headbutts him so hard that make he’s down to the ground

“Ouch… tsk… ahhhh”

“Who said you could sit?! If you can’t handle this, you can forget about the Military Police” 

“Tell me who you are! What are you doing here?” He yells to the other boy

“I’m Marco Bott, Jinae City, Wall Rose South District! I want to join the Military Police to offer my body and serve the King!”

“Really? I glad to hear that Good luck, however…” Keith glares at him

“The king doesn’t want your body” that makes Marco scares and can’t say any words

Keith continues to get to know the cadets one by one and then… he comes to your row

“Next! You! What do they call you?” Keith yells and glares at you

You’re too scared to dare to look at him so you look at the ground but you salute him.

“WHAT IS YOUR NAMEEEEEE?”

“I- I’mmm….”

“LOOK AT MEEE!!!”

“Yes sir!” you suddenly look at him but you still shaking

“I’m (Y/N) (Y/L), from Trost District!” you mutter

“What the fuck are you saying? I can’t hear you, you twat”

“I’m (Y/N) (Y/L), from Trost District!” You introduce yourself out loud that make Jean and Thomas immediately turning their face and looking at you in surprise. They don’t expect that you here.

“What a pathetic name I've ever heard in my entire life! What the fuck are you doing here, squirt?”

“I want to join Military Police Regiment and live in the interior” you copy Jean’s words because you really want to be with him. But your true answer is you’re here because you just want to be with Jean and don’t care about any Walls, any humankind shit, don't care about anything but him. You are obviously sweating and so confusing.

Jean and Thomas are jaw-dropping, shocking, and worrying about you. They don’t know how you end up here. They don’t know you’re here all along until now.

“Oh, another twat who wants to join Military Police, huh? Why don’t you’ve better prepare yourself to get ready to be a corpse during the training!? and how about instead of lie to me. You get your own mind in order and until you do how ‘bout you fuck off!” Keith knows that you don’t tell him the true reason why you’re here

“Yes sir!” you reply him and he walks away right to the other boy

You are pale, shaky, and really unsteady. You want to cry so much but you have to be strong no more tears. You try to hold the tears but you can’t so you bend down the head and the tears are pouring down. Everyone is looking at you. Damn what a shame

Jean and Thomas, they sympathize with you. They know that you’re crying but they can’t do anything. They have a lot of questions to ask you.

Thanks to the boy who salutes with the wrong hand and the girl with the potato. Everyone turned their attention from you to them.

In the evening, you sit alone in silence while everyone just has dinner. You’re looking for Jean but you can’t find him. There are a lot of people here so you decide to go outside.

On the outside, the sun is getting fade. You can see the potato girl still get her punishment. She keeps running around “Her name is Sasha I guess”

And then the familiar voice can be heard “(Y/N) I’m looking at you” It’s Thomas. He walks to you and pats your back. He’s so worried about you as always.

“Thomas” you smile finally you have someone to talk to

Thomas frowned at you “Why (Y/N) why are you doing here? Are you crazy?”

“I’m sorry Thomas I’m sorry I just can’t live without you guys, you…. and Jean”

“(Y/N) haaaaa” Thomas sigh. You avoid his eyes

“How your parents agree with it. How are you getting from Trost to here? Are you just left or…”

“Thomas! I don’t make you any trouble. I promise. I swear and I’m sorry…”

“(Y/N)” Thomas looks at you in worry

“Jean said, I need to grow up. I’ll grow up so don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine”

“I don’t mean to blame you but I’m just…”

“I know Thomas but I’m happy now. I’m happy that we still together” You smile and hug him

So he hugs you back. The sunset fades but love (as the brothers) between you doesn’t fade away 

“I’m sorry too (Y/N) I too dare to say you goodbye. I can’t say it” Thomas apologizes to you

“I understand” You two hug each other while Sasha runs past both of you.

“Hack hack hack” She gasps and watches you hug him like “What the fuck” what an awkward moment

Thomas notices her and breaks this awkward moment by asking you a question “Uh uh well, you want to join Military Police, really?” then she runs past to the other side of the field. Thomas looks at her and then sighs

“Uhhhh! Uh uh I’m… I’m yea I want to join it” You make the vibe more awkward

“Uh… why? You know what? Only the top ten from trainee squads can apply for the Military Police Brigade. So you have to train so hard”

“Huh? what huh? really? But J-Jean” you shock

“I see, you said the same with him in the afternoon that you wanna live in the interior, why (Y/N)” Thomas knows something

“Huh I- I- uh” you’re sweating and blushing

“There’s something happen between you and him, right?” Thomas smiles with his eyes close

“Huh!? Thomas no why nah noo there’s nothing” Your face is pale

“Hmmm… you’re dodgy”

“Huhh Thomas!” you are freaking out and lightly hitting his shoulders

“Ouch ouch well, okay there’s nothing! Fine I believe you” He smiles and you sigh

“Well, if you want to join Military Police I won’t stop you but you have to promise to me. Don’t give up, keep moving, find your own way, and be yourself… brother” He stares at you and you listen to every word that he said.

“Thomas” your heart is aching when you hear him said “Brother” to you

“Alright!, let’s do our best!” Thomas cheers you up

“Yea I promise. Let’s do our best!” you raise your fist to bumps his. You look at each other

“Well, are you hungry?” Thomas asks

“ha ha yes! Ha ah let have a dinner” You go back in and Thomas watches you and said

“There’s something between ‘em” He smiles and follows you in 

You sit alone at the table with your food and watching everyone include Thomas talking with the boy who facing Titans from Shiganshina. His name is Eren.

“Oh, there empty seats over there” The gentle voice is heard, It’s the guy with freckles

“Hey… uh do you mind if we sit here?” He smiles and asks you.

You look up and see him with the familiar face, Jean with supper in their hands “Huh! No, uh yes! Uh…” You are stick to one's throat

“Uh… excuse me? We’ll go to other seats” the boy with freckles is taking a bow

“No, Marco We’ll sit here. Don’t you hear that? This dumbass says yes, ‘you can take a seat I don’t mind’. Don’t you hear that?” Jean looks at you

“Oi, Jean He doesn’t say anything like that and you’re so rude to call him like that” Marco frowned at Jean and looks at you and taking a bow again

“No no I don’t mind you guys can sit here” You tried to stop Marco from taking a bow

“See! The dumbass doesn’t mind at all” 

“Oi, Jean… uh I’m sorry for him” Marco apologizes to you. Marco sits in front of you and Jean sits next to him.

“No no I- I don’t mind at all” You blushed and stare at Jean

“Hey… My name is Marco Bott, from Jinae City, Wall Rose nice to meet you”

“Na nice to meet you…” you still stare at Jean. He just puts the food into his mouth

“Uh… well uh this is Jean, Hey Jean don’t be rude” Marco elbows him

“Hey! Marco, I don't necessary to introduce myself to him” Jean’s expression is unreadable

Marco sigh “Uh ah ha ha well, I’m sorry for him uh what’s your name?”

“I- I’m (Y/N) (Y/L) from Trost” You avoid Marco's eyes and look down on the floor

“Huh? Are you from Trost, the same as Jean? Did you guys know each other?”

“Tsk… yea” Jean frowned

“Why do you don’t tell me at first, Jean?” Marco yells at him

“Huh? Why! It doesn’t matter” Jean yells back, leave you watching them argue with each other

“Oh, I see you like to make fun of him, right?”

“Huh!”

You’re watching them argue and have a feeling in your mind “Why… why you don’t say anything to me? You don’t like that I’m here? What’s on your mind, Jean?. Why you’re acting like that to me. The other day we were just…. on the field. Do you forget it all? And why not me, it used to be me who you always argue with…. I feel jealousy… ah… It must be nice if I was him. If I was Marco spending time with you… I don’t know. Why am I thinking about it?”

“Hey Hey! (Y/N) are you okay?” Marco wakes you from your creepy thought.

“Uh uh sorry… what?” you look puzzled

“Tsk… I said it right, Marco. He’s dumbass” Jean looks at you

“Jean” Marco yells

You feel terrible and you about to cry again

“Tsk… again look Marco he’s gonna cry again” Jean points at you

“Hey, (Y/N) you have a face like a wet weekend” Marco starts to worry about you

“No, thank you Marco I’m fine”

“Hey, are you really want to join Military Police right?”

“Yea I’m…” you look at Jean then you can hear the others discuss with the boy from Shiganshina, Eren about the Titans.

“Actually, Titans aren’t such a big deal once we master operating the 3D Maneuver Gear, they’ll be no match for us! We finally have the chance to become soldiers. I’ll join the Survey Corps and purge the world of the Titans!” Eren said

“Dude, are you nuts? Did you just say you want to join the Survey Corps?” Jean yells at him

“Damn straight. And you’re planning to join Military Police to take it easy, right?”

“I’m just an honest fellow. I think that’s preferable to acting tough when you’re actually scared shirtless”

“Do you have something to say?”

“Oh? I wasn’t really…” Jean stands up and approached Eren. But whatever they are interrupted by the sound of the bell, yea the dinner time is over.

Jean sigh “Well, My bad. I wasn’t trying to judge how you think” Jean hold out his hand to Eren “Let’s just let it go”

“Yeah, same here. I overreacted” Eren slaps his hand and walks away and then the girl with black hair just walks past Jean. He stares at her. Damn His face is blushing and he follows her to the outside. He crushes on her and you see it all.

After that, Jean and Marco left, you don't have a chance to talk with him. Jean seems different with you. Something between you has changed, and now he's acting differently.

But today, it's a long day. You never ever experience something like this. And after taking a shower, you head toward to barracks. You need to sleep. "I did--I did wrong about leaving home and coming here, didn't I?" You thought during the way to barracks

"Haaaa... No, I don't" you sigh and answer to yourself "I chose it myself, it is what it is" then you think about him again

"The main reason that I'm here because of you, Jean. It's you, It's all you... but why he looked at her like that, maybe he's not into men" You're at the barracks now but then you're pretty sure you saw Jean and he saw you too so you don't go inside and follow him instead "Jean"

"J-Jean... Jean... wait" You're pretty sure he hears you but he does not even stop walking away from you. You're starting to run. "Jean, Jean" You catch up to him and grab his shirt and pull it.

He stops but not turns back to you. 

"Where're you going?" 

"I take a walk to clear my head. I can't sleep" He replied

"Jean... what's wrong, you seem like you're avoiding me. Something's wrong" You rest your head at his back.

"Let me go, you dumbass"

"Jean..."

"I said let me go" Jean seems angry now

"Jean... I'm sorry. Have I done something wrong? I’m deeply sorry if I did anything wrong and I'm sorry for apologizing too much" You hug him from the back

"Tsk..." Jean doesn't even look back at you

"Please... just yell at me like you used to, don't be like this"

"Hgh... You dumbass"

"Jean... I think I like you" you finally said it, Jean seems a little bit surprised but knew it already. He widens his eyes for a second and then closes it and sighs

"Haaaaaa...." He grabs your arms which are wrapped around him and breaks out the hug and turns to you.

The second that he turns to you. You grab his face and pull him closer, try to put your lips on his lips but he quickly dodges you. But you're not giving up. You kiss his cheek and his neck. You even sniff his shirt.

“Hey, hey (Y/N) what the fuck are you doing?”

“Jean, I think I like you. I just realized that I like you” you try to kiss him on the lips

“Just stop” Jean tries to push you off but you pull him closer and kiss him on his cheeks and his hands over and over

“I'm calling dibs on your lips, on your kiss, on your hand, all mine” you continue to kiss on every part of him

“Are you insane? I said stop” He grabs your hands and glares at you

“No, I don’t Jean… You can’t handle the me! I want you. I’m here because of you. I can’t lose you” 

“(Y/N) look at you, you dumbass. Pull yourself together!” He is very angry and started shouting at you

Your eyes widen in shock. His rage voice brings you back. “I’m… I’m so sorry Jean. What a stupid I am” Your knees are weak and you slump on the ground.

"Get a grip! I have a lot of questions to ask you but I think you're not ready to answer. You need to calm down" He looks at you and you look back at him

“All the times I keep telling myself this might be nothing but one look in your eyes and, God, there's something” you're blushed. He doesn’t say anything but stares back at you.

"I'm crazy 'bout you and I would be lying if I said that I could live this life without you" 

“You can lie to me and say you don't but I know you do, and I love you too” you continue

“(Y/N) It’s late now, I should probably go to bed. I think you should too. Tomorrow, we’ll start getting training” He cuts the conversation and walks past you, stops looks at you for a second, and then left

“Did he just say, he’s here because of me? How? Damn it, I made an effort to restrain myself from loving you but… He’s just said he loves me. I frotted with him because he is into me, it's all about him, not me. I'm not into men. I'm straight” Jean thought and sighs “Tsk….” He's still wondering about his feeling. Does he truly love you or just momentarily horny for you. But however, deep down he is glad to know that you not hate him and decide to join Cadets because of him, so he and you will be sticking around together again. He just acts tough.

You try to hold the tears but after he left and you heard his sighs. You’re immediately bawling and crying out loud

“Whaaaaa… whaaaa” you cover your face and your voice can be heard by Jean so he covers his ears and quickly walks away.

“Jean, I know I used to hate you but now I don’t Jean, I love you. I can’t unlove you”

You’re in your bed now. You’re on the bottom bunk and the other boy on the top. It's too late. All the boys slept but some of them are not. You keep tossing and turning. You can’t sleep because you think of Jean. 

"It's so embarrassing, I just said that I love him. What's he thinking about me?" 

“Damn it, I can’t sleep. Did he’ll hate me more?” you thought

"How I did that?... tsk" 

“I shouldn’t have done that,” you thought and cover your face with the pillow

"I can even face him" 

You can't even sleep and Jean's voice is all up in your head again. 

“Ahhhhh…” you scream but cover your mouth with the pillow. That makes the big blonde guy right next to your bed wakes up but he’s still laying on his back and closes his eyes.

"Who is making a noise this late?" He tries to go back to sleep

You do something to help you get some sleep. You imagine that the pillow is Jean. You’re starting to kiss it and put it between your legs and make some weird moan “Ummmmm… umm uhh”

"Shut the fuck up" The guy right next to you thought while tries to close his eyes

"Ahhh J-Jean... Jean" but you keep moaning 

"Come on" He covers his eyes with his pillow

"Umm... Ummm" your little voice's moaning, he heard it 

The guy next to you opens his eyes for a bit to see what the fuck happens. It's so dark and he's a little drowsy. He can barely see so he stares at you. "What the fuck is that?"

He tried to open his eyes wide. He can’t believe what he is seeing. He sees you masturbate yourself with that pillow!

"Ahhh ahh" you shut your mouth, try not to make a noise then you take off your pants and rub your cock with it. “Ah ah ah ah Jean, Jean ahhh…” you thought about the day that he rubs his cock against yours on the field. You’re moving your hip so fast. Thought everyone has slept but there's one person who just wakes up because of you.

“What the fuck… Is he just… masturbate? Huh? like seriously? And who the fuck is Jean? The guy who wants to join Military Police? The guy who almost fights with the weirdo from Shiganshina?” He heard it all but pretend not to hear. He stares at you

It’s so dark so you don’t notice him. You continue with it. You slide your cock faster and put your fingers in your ass. “Agh… ahhhh Jean please! ahhh” you try to keep your voice down

Your voice makes the big blonde guy getting horny. His cock is getting harder. It makes him hold on to his crotch automatic and start rubbing.

"Why the fuck is my cock getting hard," He thought

"Ahhh... ummm" you're gasping 

"Damn it his little voice damn, damn, fuck" so he puts his fat cock out and slides it along with you and your little voice. “Agh” He accidentally moans a bit. He shuts his mouth with his big hand as the other hand keeps slide his cock. But your attention isn’t him, it’s your cock so you can’t hear him moan

“Jean… Jean ahhhhh” you bounce your hip against your fingers and the other hand keeps slides your cock faster. Every move you make is on his eyes as he slides his cock while watching and hearing you moan

“Damn it, I’m not even gay but why his moan makes me so horny,” He thought while looking at you and sliding his big fat cock faster.

You’re getting close. You slide your dick to shoot your cum off, bite your lips and pinch your feet. Trying to keep it silent “Uhhhh… ahhh… Jean” Your cum is pouring on your belly, your thighs, and the bedsheet.

He’s also getting close so he’s doing the same thing you do. He gnashes his teeth, pinches his feet and the huge load cum is pouring on his thick thighs and the bed sheet “Aghhh….” He’s looking at you and his deep voice roars, but he quickly shut his mouth.

“Uh?” You heard him and turn your face to him. You make eye contact with him

“Huh?” He shocks that you look at him masturbating. His face is slowly getting red. It’s so dark but you know it’s getting red.

“Huh?” You’re too. Your face is getting red. Your hand is still holding your cock. You look at his cock and thought "Damn, It's so big" 

“Srnnk… umm um um” the guy from the top bunk is snoring. You look at his bed and look up to the top. You see the tall guy is sleeping in a strange position. So they both are sleeping. This is so awkward.

You both stare at each other and you suddenly turn your face away from him and put your cock back in your pants “This is embarrassing” You cover your head with that pillow

He’s doing the same. He’s put it back on his pants and turns his face against the wall. Trying to sleep!

"Damn it" 

The next morning…

“Wake up, Reiner” the tall guy tries to wake his friend up

“Ummmm” his deep voice can be heard. He wakes up and sits up, on the bed. It wakes you up. You wake up and rub your eyes. He notices you.

“Uh… uh…” He stares at you, a little bit of shock

“Uh! I’m I’m…” You avoid his eyes

The tall guy notices something between you two “Hey! Reiner, you know this little guy?”

“Nah… not exactly… uh, no no I don’t know” Reiner acts weird. You just sit still on your bed try not to think about last night

You look at him for a bit then he smiles at you. You quickly bend your head down

“Hey! since we are next bed to each other why not we are getting to know each other?” The guy on the top jumps to the floor.

“I’m Connie Springer, nice to meet you guys” He smirks

“Oh! You are the one who…” The tall guy recognizes him.

“Ah ah ah don’t”

“Uh ha ha ha I’m Bertolt Hoover, nice to meet you”

“Well, and you are” Connie looks at the big blonde guy

“Uh… I’m Reiner Braun, na nice to meet you”

“Oh! Reiner, you are too big” Connie smirks at him

“Huh! what?...” Reiner flinches a bit

“What? I mean your body is so big. What are you thinking?” Connie rubs his chin

“Uh! Uh!”

“Well, we share the same bed so what's your name?” Connie turns his attention to you

“Ahhh I’m I’m” You still avoid their eyes

“Hmmm Don’t be shy” Connie leans down to you and you turn your face away from him

Reiner steps down from his bed and leans down to you too “I’m Reiner, and what’s your name?” Damn his deep voice

He holds out his hand to you. You look at his big hand and then look at him

“I’m… I’m (Y/N)” you say with your little voice

“Well (Y/N) nice to meet you” Reiner holds out his hands to you and you grab it. He squeezes your soft hand and rubs it with his fingers. You look at his eyes and your face is red. He smirks at you.

“Aight! Guys, I’m hungry, Let go Bertolt” Connie wraps his arms around Bertolt’s neck. That makes him leans down because he’s taller than Connie.

“Wait! Connie”

“Hey! You two… hurry up” Connie walks through the door with Bertolt leave you alone with Reiner

“Well? Last night… I’m sorry for that. It’s my bad to watching you uh...” Reiner scratch the back of his neck

“Huhhhh… I’m sorry to I- I” you blushed

“Well, It’s okay! We are the man right, That's perfectly normal. Not to worry” He laughs but looks at your cock

“Ha ha That's right” You chuckle and thought “Thank god at least he seems like a nice guy”

“And who is Jean?” Reiner hits you with the unexpected question and leans his face closer to you

“Huh…” his face is so closer to you so you avoid his eyes

“Who is the guy that name, Jean? You were moaning his name last night. I could hear it. Is he your crush or something?” Reiner rubs his chin and looks at you from head to toe

“Uhh Jean what Jean” You pretend like you don’t know and thought, "I thought he is a nice guy, I take back my words!"

“Hey! Don’t pretend like you don’t Hmmm... Who's he? I really want to know” He touches your chin and put his face closer and closer

“Ahhh… well he is….” You are sweating and blushing

“He’s your crush, right?” Reiner knows and pulls his face back

“Huh… shit” 

“Ha ha ha ha I knew it. You really crush on him. That guy right?”

“What are you talking about? I'm not” you pout at him

“Hmmm really? and why are you moaning like that?” He leans closer

“Huh?” your face is red

"I'm so wondering if he knows that you're moaning his name all night...." He touches your face and his nose touches with yours look like he wants to kiss you

"Nooo, don't... don't tell him, Reiner right?" you're begging. You don't know how your hands end up being on his chest 

"Hmmm, why not? Do you really like him that much?" He looks into your eyes. 

"Reiner, let me... are you gay, huh?" 

"No, I'm not... I just want to know... Do you really love him?" He gazes at you. You can feel his breath touches your nose. He makes you feel uncomfortable and you answer him

"Um ummm" 

"Haaa... That's it, I knew it. you secretly love him, right?" 

"Haaa..." you sigh and said "fine, I like him, but the feeling's not mutual"

"Aww, poor boy" He grabs your cheeks and leans closer to your ear, and whispers "Next time, let me help you"

"Huh?" you don't have the idea what he's saying

“Ahh nothing, nothing, ah I’m hungry now, can we go now?” He helps you get up and you take his hand

"Ummm" you take his hand. You wonder that he's not gay but why he tried to kiss you? yea the reason is he's just horny. That's it. 

“Come on, Jean simp” He walks through the door 

“What? I'm not... Tsk…” you frown and follow him to the canteen


	5. Friends Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks still exist. The up's and down's in Jean's relationship with his lover back in the Cadets' days. Jean was still struggling with how he felt about his lover. Didn't he love him or not? so he decided to not talk to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all this chapter is messing. I can't end it at first, I keep writing everything that pops in my head and also wrote some lyrics into it lol. I hope you like it. Don't forget, It's bad grammar!!
> 
> [Warning]  
> \- A little manga spoilers  
> \- It's a BL story  
> \- smut  
> \- lemon scene  
> \- lime scene  
> \- violence scene  
> \- explicit scene  
> _ Bad Grammar  
> \- PWP  
> ..............  
> (Y/N) = Your name

Jean looks out the window while you look at him. You’re at the corner of the room sit on the back and he’s at the side seat close to the window. Two of you never talk to each other for about weeks now since the night that you confess to him.

“The simplest move possible with the ODM gear is simply aiming and firing the grapple hooks at an object and then activating the gas…” the teacher’s voice or whoever in the background

While everyone in the class is very eager to learn but you forget to concentrate and not determined to learn how to use ODM gear during the class. You only stare at Jean the most of time.

You stare at him from the back and thought “What are you doing, Jean? Why’re you looking out of the window like that? Things between you and me never are the same anymore. I shouldn’t have said that… that I love you. Did I make you feel bad about it? At least tell me that you love or hate me. Don’t ignore me, please”

“Hey, Jean simp… Jean simp” Reiner calls you, but you still stare at Jean.

“Hey, Jean simp!” He nudges you

“Huh!” You turn your face to him and keep your voice down because you’re during the class. Jean simp becomes your nickname to Reiner. You sit with him at the back and he knows that you stare at him all the times

“Stop! Staring at him like that” Reiner scolds you a bit

“You need to concentrate during the lecture because tomorrow will enlist the evaluation of the ODM gear aptitude if you don’t want to dismissed and sent home” You turn your face back to stare at Jean again, ignore everything that Reiner just said

“Oi! Are you listening?”

“Umm… yeh” Your head is empty only him “Why you still looking out the window? Pay attention to your studies! Come on, Jean,” you thought while you look at him

“Haaa… come on” Reiner sighs and holds a forehead

The evaluation day is past. Everyone is done a pretty good job at ODM gear, even you. Especially Jean, his performance at ODM gear is on fire. Except for Eren Yeager who is struggling with it. He is unable to remain upright.

“Can’t believe you able to do it…” Thomas said

“Yeh... I mean who can’t” You reply to him and guess what you stare at Jean

Thomas notices it “Oh! He is also great at it, Jean” He said and peeks at you

You’re getting blushed “Umm… I know. He’s so fine”

Jean looks so happy with his friend Marco. Two of them are laughing together. You stare at him. You caught him catching you watching him. His face changes when he catches your eyes then avoids your eyes back to Marco and laughs with him again.

“There’s something between you two?” Thomas worries about you and Jean

“Huh! no no Thomas there’s nothing, everything is fine” you still stare at him and everything is in Reiner’s eyes. He’s watching you stare at Jean.

The next couple of days, you and the cadets are at Training Grounds. It’s a Hand-to-hand combat training day. Everyone is going to do a paired practice. You stand in front of your today’s opponent, Marco.

“It’s great to be your opponent today (Y/N)” Marco smiles

“Marco, It’s an honor to be your opponent today too”

“Well (Y/N) you don’t have to repeat my word like that” Marco scratches his head

You smile at him. From the corner of your eye, you see Jean there with a little blonde guy named Armin. They are opponents, today. Jean punches Armin’s cheek and they laugh together. They seem very close. It makes you so jealous. You stare back at Marco and said “Tsk… Marco, pull no punches at today, okay!?”

Marco smirks and holds his hands up “Roger! Haha”

“Jean, That boy, he’s so cute, right? You like him, do you? He makes you smile. Damn, and you too, Marco. You seem very close to him. It’s not just a friend, right? It’s more than that, right?” you thought and hold your hands up ready to beat the hell out of him.

“Yaaakk” You started to throw a punch at him but he quickly dodges it.

“Woah” Marco quite shocks a little bit

“Come on” You continue to punch him again and again but it never hit him. Then his fist quickly smashes your face intensely “Aaaaah”

“Come on, (Y/N) Give me your best shot” Marco is getting heat up.

“The truth is we'd probably get along, there's a pretty good chance that you and me would be boys but you've got him and I'm all alone,” you thought and give him what he wants right to his face

“Ouch! That’s it” Marco shakes his head and holds his hand up again. You try to look for Jean, hope he sees that you finally can now punch someone. You do not concentrate on Marco so he has to do something to get you back on track.

“Hey, where are you looking at? I’m your opponent. Keep your guard up” Marco warns you but then moves his fist rights to your face but you quickly dodge it.

“Phew… damn it” You sigh and soaked with sweat

“You’re looking for him, right?” Marco hits you with a question and he swings his leg at you

“Huh?” You quite shock but still dodge his attack

“You stare at Jean a lot you know?” Marco continues and keeps his guard up

“How… how do you know” You let your guard down

“Everyone knows (Y/N)”

“Huh?” You shock and then his fist hits your face so hard again “Aghhhhh” you slump on the ground.

“Ouch! (Y/N) Don’t let your guard down in front of your opponent, again. Come on get up” He helps you get up with his hand 

“You and Jean are childhood friends, right? And you follow him to join Cadets” Marco continues

“Huh?... yeh how do you know” You quite shocks

“Jean told me,” Marco said and smiles and your face is getting red

“Why did he tell you that?” You raise your guard up again

“Why not? We are so close. He told me everything about you” Marco teases you. It makes you so pissed to think that how close they are. It’s just a bromance or something else between them. You just don’t know. You move so fast to combat with him but he always dodges the hits from you.

“Good, just like that. Try to hit me with those fists. Come on boy” Marco yells at you, you keep moving but never hit him. And again your eyes catch Jean from there. He gently pats Armin’s head right there

“What’s going right there?” you thought and lose your concentrate

“Hey (Y/N) You look at him again. Don’t look at him. Look at me!” Marco yells and tries to pull your mind together

You get damage from his fist again “Aghhhh” but you’re letting it hurt and ask him “And what else’s he told you, Marco”

“Ummm… Like what? like you confessed to him?” Marco smirks

“Huh? huh… Stop! Marco don’t” Your eyes widen and you hit him on his chest again and again. Your face is red and you beg him to stop. He wraps his arms around trying to stop you too. “Stop stop stop”

“Hey hey hey” Marco tries to calm you down. You break out his hug and punch him in the face so hard but it's not hurt him a bit. He immediately hits you back at your face so hard. His fist makes you slump on the ground so hard. You lie down there and cover your face try to hide the tears.

“Hey hey hey (Y/N) are you okay? I’m sorry. I don’t mean to. I just want you to concentrate, hey” Marco helps you get up but you still not moving.

“Hey what’s going on here” Thomas runs to both of you and Marco tries to sorry

“I’m sorry Thomas, I don’t mean to… I just…” Marco feels guilty

“It’s okay Marco. I’m fine” You get up and wipe out your tears. Everyone pays attention to you. You are sorry to Marco that you’re not concentrating on him. He helps you get up and sorry to you again. You take a bow to him.

“It’s fine, Marco, and thank you, you try to help me but I’m just stupid like Jean said. It’s my bad” you try to smile but you can’t, the corner of your eye catches Jean watching at you.

You stare at him for a while until he walks away from here. It’s hurt you more than the fists from Marco on your face. Thomas knows there’s something wrong with you and he’s the one who takes you back to the barracks.

“Thank you, Thomas. You always…”

“(Y/N)… You know you can talk to me, right”

“Thomas”

“Everything, you can talk to me about everything. I mean we might not stick around like before but I always here with you. I got your back (Y/N) It's okay to need each other” Thomas gently pats your head tries to calm you down

“Thomas. I thought that I like you but I’m not. I mean I used to but now I- I think I like… J-Jean” You said it and expect Thomas to shock but he just smiles

“I already know” Your eyes widen and your tears are falling again.

“I always love you as a brother. You’re like my brother. We know each other when we were young. We grew up together. It’s weird if you have a romantic feeling with me” Thomas smiles and hugs you tight

“Do you tell him yet that you love him?” Thomas asks

“I already confessed to him but… I don’t know Thomas, he never talks to me about it. I mean something between us has changed” You look sad

“At least you try, right? Give him a time, okay! No more talk. I think you should get some rest. Don’t worry about Jean and Marco I’ll make them pay for hurting you Haha” Thomas smiles and you know that he doesn’t really mean it about Jean and Marco

“You’re such a good brother to me, Thomas, always” You hug him back. Thomas takes you to bed and says good night to you before we left for another room. And that night you cry and Reiner, he’s watching you cry all night.

The next couple of days, it’s been 34 days since you confess to him and you’re not to talk with each other but who’s counting? Jean head to the canteen but the corner of his eye catch that you're following him and he turns back to you and pushes you against the wall so hard. He can’t deal with you anymore

“What’s your problem?” Jean glares at you. You’re not saying anything but avoid his eyes

“What? I’m asking you. Why are you stalking me every time?”

“He finally talks to me,” You thought but you still not answer him. Your face is getting red

“Why are you staring at me all the time, Huh? You think I don’t know it that you stare at me?” Jean continues his face is red too. He grabs your shoulders so hard. You’re shaking because of the scare. You start to cry, avoid his face and it shows your neck to him. He shocks for a little. His breath touches with your bare skin.

"Jean, you're so nice to everyone, but why you are so mean to me?" you said but keep avoid his eyes

It reminds him of that day on the field. The day he forces you to masturbate with him. He suddenly pushes you against the wall again and lets you out of him. “Tsk…” he leaves to the canteen and you just slump on the floor.

“J-Jean” You moans his name and you quickly follow to the canteens

Jean just arrives at the canteens. He goes to sit right next to Marco and Armin, Mikasa, and Eren and you follow him right after but Reiner waves at you to invite you to sit with him so you sit with him. Jean stares at you in angry.

“Someone is not in a mood today” Eren smirks at Jean

“Are you looking for trouble?” Jean stares at him

“No, I mean who wants to get a trouble with… a horse face?”

“Huh? What are you saying?” Jean is so pissed and grabs his collar then he hears the laughs from everywhere. Jean looks around sees everyone laugh at him even you. He glares at you. It suddenly makes you stop laughing. Jean pushes Eren back to the seat and puts the food into his mouth.

“Ok, everyone got chill” Eren decides to not stop talking

“Hey Jean simp, looks like your man got a new nickname,” Reiner said to you

“Yeh… but I think… it’s cute” You keep watching him eating his food.

“Haaaa you are really a simp for him” Reiner sighs

After breakfast, everyone is at Training Grounds. It’s another Hand-to-hand combat training day. You vs Marco round 2 about to start again. Thomas, Reiner, Connie, and everyone are watching at two of you. “The atmosphere between them kinda weird guys,” Reiner said and everyone agrees “Yeh”

Jean is watching too and then he walks right to two of you. He pats on Marco’s shoulder and stares at you and said “Today, I’ll be your sparring partner”

“Jean, Hey” Marco is so worried about you and Jean

“It’s okay, Marco. I just need to talk with him” Jean keeps his eyes on you and you just standstill

“Oh, god this shit is not going to end well” Reiner holds his forehead

Everyone back on their practice, but you and Jean still stare at each other

“Now, hold your hands up and try to punch me in the face” Jean holds his hands up, glares at you

“What does he want, now? He needs to talk during we train” You thought and raise your hands up

“What do you waiting for? Do you want to hit me on the face right? Come on”

“However, I don’t care what is going on, now he finally talks to me” You move closer to him so fast and punch him. It almost hits him but he can dodge

“Damn, this is all you got during training?” Jean smirks at you and marks hit fist into your face so hard

“Aghhhhhh” you hold your cheek and try to get yourself back on track

“Come on, not yet” Jean punches you so hard again and your face is turned to the other side

“Aghhhh… Jean” you try to stand but you can’t control your balance now.

“Now I know you want to beat me up, right,” you said while look at him

Jean gritted his teeth and clenched his fists “Yea… I want to” and suddenly he can feel your fist on his horse face. It makes him almost slump on the ground. “Agh… Tsk”

“What do you want to talk to me, Jean?” You start the topic

“Not much…” He swings his leg to you so fast but you quickly dodge. “Good move”

You hook your fist to him “And what?”

“Don't mess with me, leave me alone, and give me some space. It’s so creepy that you keep staring at me, stalks me like that, you stupid” Jean dodges your fist and hits you with the words and his fist right to your face

“Aghhhhhhhhhhhhh” you slump on the ground and your face is getting bruised, you look up at him. Yea it hurts so much. After you told him all how you feel about him but this is what he replies back to you. It so hurts. But this time you’re not crying.

“Don't show your face 'round here anymore! I think you should go back in Trost, maybe your mom is crying for you right now” Jean continues and looks down at you. You can’t even catch his eyes

After the day, that you confessed to him. It makes him so weird about his feeling. Your confession really shook him up. He’s not sure about his feeling. Does he love you or not. Does he hate you or not. He’s not sure. He wants to focus on his goal first. Living in interior Walls is the only thing that he pays attention to. So he kept avoiding talking with you after that. And this is the result.

“Satisfied yet?” Jean gritted his teeth. He looks a little bit sympathy for you “Tsk…”

“I don't wanna lose this with you,” You said to him and get up

“Huh?”

“I need to tell you how I feel about you and I'm sorry that if I hurt you. I don’t mean to. I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. It’s my bad to put you in this situation” You hit him on his face and his chest over and over. He looks at you and lets you do it, lets you throw around your words.

“Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's so excruciating to see you like that. I’m sorry. I’m stupid. I’m selfish. Every time I saw you with someone else. I’m jealous. I wish I was them. I’m an idiot I know that but… but I need to tell you that I love you, that the worst thing you ever heard, right? I thought that you love me too but now I know that you’re not. But It never changes the truth that I love you” You keep hit on his chest

“It’s all me. I'm the one who burned us down. Tell me that we'll be just fine. Tell me that you don’t really hate me” you said and try to punch his nose. He grabs your fist and pouches back on your stomach. You slump on the ground again

“Stop, please” Jean stares at you

"Am I wrong to fall so deeply in love with you?" 

"Shut up" 

“After all of that, it means nothing to you, right? Jean” you hold your ribs and look at him

“Yea, it’s nothing” Jean gets down to you. He grabs your collar and he then punches in your face over and over. "Agh agh shut! up!" those fists smashed your cheeks so hard.

"Jean ugh ahhhh Jean ah agh" You got beat up. Your nose is bleeding and your face is getting bruised. You hold your head with your hands, try to defend yourself. You try to fight back by slapping him in the face but he slaps your face first.

He then and wraps his arms from the back around your neck and your chest. He wraps his legs around your legs, locking them between his legs and body. It’s so painfully tight. You let him do it. He strangles you with his strong arms. You can barely breathe.

“J-Jean… You can hate me but don’t underestimate me, don’t underestimate my heart that I give to you” after hold the tears for a while, your dam finally breaks.

“You’re so annoying, you make me feel, you know that? I would be lying if I said that I’m not shaken up by any of this, I don’t hate you but I just… I just… Tsk” he said to your ear and he about to cry too. He strangles you tighter.

“J-Jean, hak hak I I can’t breathe. I hurt…” you pat his arms and start thrashing around.

“Oi Oi Oi what the fuck is going right there” Marco is the first who notice and run to both of you

“Whoa, cut it out, man!” Reiner goes straight to you and Thomas too, everyone is looking at you

You pinch his arms, smile with tears, and thought “I should know better than falling for someone like you. But it’s good to hear that you don't hate me” and your vision is blurring and getting dark. You faint into his arms.

Marco and Thomas separate Jean from you. “Jean, let him out! Look at him!” But Jean is still holding you tight.

Jean widens his eyes and “Huh?” the flashback is crawling into his head, reminds him of the day that when he first met you back in Trost. He made you passed out. It haunted him. “This again, I hurt you again” He can feel your tears whose are dropping to his arm. Thomas is the one who punches him so hard in his face.

“Agh” his flashback is cutting!

“Get a grip, Jean!” Thomas wakes him up from his haunt. Jean finally lets you out of his arms. Marco pulls him away from you and locks his arms. Reiner shakes you try to wake you up but you already faint.

“Hey hey hey Jean simp uh… hey hey (Y/N)” he pats your face over and over

“The fuck are you doing, Jean!” Thomas yells at Jean. He’s so angry.

“I don’t know. I don’t know, Thomas. I’m sorry. Is he okay?” Jean is shocking for what he has done to you

Reiner checks your vital signs to make sure that you’re okay “He’s fine, just passed out. Maybe we should bring him to the inside” Reiner carries you to the inside. Thomas and the others like Connie and the girls also follow him to the inside. Before Thomas leaves with the others he said to Jean

“Are you happy now? Playing with his feeling, and underestimate the love that he gave to you” Then Thomas left. Jean looks depressed. He feels guilty.

“Thank god” Marco sighs and said to Jean “This time, you went too far with him, Jean”

Jean looks at you that carried by Reiner and not say anything. Marco continues “This is the first time I saw Thomas angry like that but I get it he and (Y/N) are so close like brothers” then Jean said

“Actually I am the one who an idiot and selfish, not him. I hurt him again” Jean holds his head.

“Haaa… Jean, I think that enough. Don’t act tough. Get out of that high horse. You should apologize to him and tell him the truth what you think about him before It’s too late” Marco sigh and tries to put him back on track.

Reiner and the others take you to your bed. You are still unconscious. The girls come to see you too. They’re worried about you and start talking “Is he really okay?” “I was so shocked that he’s really doing this?” “Unbelievable” “He and Jean are childhood friends, right” “I mean. He’s so mean” “Poor (Y/N)”

“Ahem! Girls… I know y’all worried about him but no girls allowed here. I want all of you to leave! My boy needs some rest” Reiner takes the girls out of the room and shut the door.

Ymir crosses her arms: Come on, Reiner who you think you are?

Christa: But we need to let (Y/N) rest as Reiner said

Annie: …………

Sasha starts the topic: Yea, and I still can’t believe that Jean would do that to him

Mina enters the chat: Yea… me too, they’re from Trost, right. I think they were close friends

Sasha: Look like (Y/N) is younger than us, isn’t he?

Mina: Yea, Thomas told me about that. He followed Thomas and Jean from Trost to join the Cadet corps

Annie: ………………….

Christa holds her chest: How crazy

Armin, Mikasa, and Eren also join the chat: What’s the problem between them?

Sasha: Who’s know?

Ymir: Hmph! they’re just in love. 

Everyone: What?

Annie: ……………..

Christa: Huh? I think they’re just friends

Ymir: But friends don’t do that

Sasha: Do what?

Ymir: Don’t you see, (Y/N) always stares at Jean all the time and Jean always tried to avoid him. Their eyes, there’s something. Friends don't look at each other like that. They’re definitely in love with each other. Jean can hide his feeling about him but his eyes can't hide.

Armin: But how is that love?

The Girls: Ummm, yea

Armin: Huh? What exactly you guys realize about it? But how Jean hurts him like that?

Mina: Guys they come!

Jean and Marco enter the barrack and that makes the others shut their mouths immediately. Jean looks so sad then he looks at them with the corner of his eye and Marco pats his back tries to comfort him. Eren notices that Jean looks at them. He stares at Jean and said

Eren: Y’all that’s why we can’t trust a horse face!

Jean glares at Eren: Hmph!?

Mikasa: Ereh! Read the room!

Armin: Eren uh! Uh… Jean. Eren doesn’t mean to

Marco: Jean! Don’t! you want to apologize to (Y/N) like we said, right? I’ll take you to him

Eren: Bruhhhh

Marco takes Jean to leave there and takes him to your room which Reiner, Thomas, Connie, and Bertolt take care of you in there. Thomas sits on your bed watching you, he gently rubs on your head and the others discuss what happened.

Bertolt: Jean, he’s so cruel

Connie: Yea… I feel sorry for (Y/N). He loves him despite the fact that Jean is mean to him.

Thomas: Jean also loves him for sure but I can’t accept the fact that he hurts him. I don’t know what he’s thinking anymore. What’s he tryna prove?

Reiner just stares at you: Poor boy… you moaned his name all night for nothing

Everyone: What?

Reiner: Uh! Nothing… at all

Suddenly the door is knocked “KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK”

“Guys let me get in, please” Marco is the one who knocks on the door. Reiner opens the door and surprises when he sees Marco and Jean. He lets them in.

“What are you doing here, Jean? Do you not satisfy yet?” Thomas still rubs your head and doesn't turn his face to Jean. Everyone is silent.

“Thomas, I’m sorry. I know, I’m an idiot” Jean bends his head

“Why are you sorry to me? I’m not the one you should apologize” Thomas turns his face to Jean. Jean catches his eyes and then turns his eyes to you which are still unconscious on your bed. Thomas gets down from your bed and leaves to room. Everyone follows him. Marco pats Jean’s back before he leaves without saying a word

“(Y/N) I’m sorry, I’m sorry” He looks like he needs to cry right now. He gets on your bed, touches your face, and begs you to wake up.

“Please, I know I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please wake up. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I don’t wanna do this to you. I don’t know why I do this to you. I know it sounds unreasonable. It’s ridiculous. I know I’m a jerk. Please wake up, I’ll let you punch me in the face if you want” He touches your face and lean down to you. He hugs you but you’re not responding.

He gently touches your cheeks which are bruised because of his fist earlier. He cries “Seeing you hurt it makes me hurt too. Now I know how that feels” He kisses and blows your bruised cheeks softy.

He looks at your scars and starts crying "Look at you, How dare I hurt you. Why I do this to you? I'm sorry I'm pathetic" He holds your hand and uses it slaps his face over and over

"Wake up (Y/N) take your anger out on me, slap me. Give me what I deserve" His voice is shaking.

“Why I keep kicking you out of my mind, what am I doing? It hurts me that you asked me that I hate you or not. Cuz I don’t hate you. I just feel… I’m not sure how I feel about you. So I couldn’t tell you about my feeling yet. I just need a time” He lies beside you and puts his arms around you makes you into his arms and then he closes his eyes “Let me take care of you”

“Hey hey hey… wake up, Jean” Reiner wakes Jean up by slaps on his face

“Umm Hmmm” Jean slowly opens his eyes “Reiner”

“Wake up, pal you should go back to your bed” Reiner stares at him

“What times is it?” Jean still sleepy from napping

“I don’t know. It’s almost midnight now I guess”

Jean sits up and looks around the room. Everyone is on their bed and the lights are already turned off. Reiner is the only one who still refuses to sleep. “Huh? (Y/N)” Jean turns to you. You are still unconscious. “(Y/N)” he gently rubs your head and your forehead.

“You should go back to your room. Let him rest here. Looks like he’ll not wake up until the morning, I’ll take care of him for you. Get some rest, Jean” Reiner said

“I hurt him. It’s my responsibility” Jean stares at you and touches your bruised cheeks again

“Haaa… Jean tells me. What are you doing? The physical pain can be healed but I’m not sure about the mental pain. This little boy loves you more than anything. He dreamt about you every night. He moaned your name all night. I heard it every night and this is what you did to him?” Reiner tells him your secrets

Jean quite shocks about it “Yea I’m a jerk. I know. I’m the one who needs to blame. I don’t expect him to forgive me for what I’ve done but at least, Reiner… please, let me take care of him tonight” Jean’s voice is obviously shaking. “If he wakes up in the middle of the night at least, there’s me beside him”

“Are you sure that he wants to see your face?” Reiner asks

“I don’t know either” Jean looks back to Reiner 

“Aight! Whatever you want, I’ll go to sleep” Reiner jumps on his bed

Jean quickly takes a shower and brings his mattress to the room and lies down during the space between your bed and Reiner’s bed. The times passed by about 30 minutes.

You finally wake up. It’s so dark because it’s late. You still got a pain in your face and your neck. It bruised and It’s so hurt but what hurts the most is your heart. To heard that Jean yelled at you that he doesn’t want to see your face again. You start crying. Jean wakes up and hears your little voice’s crying.

“Stop crying (Y/N) except you want to go blind from crying in the dark?” Jean lies on his back and said to you

“Huh? J-Jean” You recognize his voice and try to wipe the tears. Jean pops up from down there and climbs up on your bed

“J-Jean What… What are you doing here?” You sit and hug your knees up to the chest. 

“Uh? I’m just want to… want to say hi” Jean is awkward a little bit. You still a little drowsy from the pain and you hold your cheeks and neck

“Agh” Jean quickly rushes to you and grabs your hands “Do you still hurt?”

You shake his hand off and push your back against the wall. You're shaking like a leaf when you see him.

“Ummm yea a little, No no I’m not hurt I’m just” You refuse to tell the truth and he knows

“I know you hurt, (Y/N) let me take care of you. I’m partly to blame for my actions. I have been responsible... for so much the hurt I gave you” He gazes you and you blush

"Don't, Jean" you're shaking. You obviously scare him.

"Hey, you... you're shivering" Jean knows that he's scaring off you. You stare at him and he stares back and quilcky grabs your hand slaps his face over and over "Agh agh agh" 

"Jean stop! don't" you pull your hand back 

"No (Y/N) slap me, hit me! I hurt you. This is what I deserve" 

"That's enough, Jean I'm so tired. I don't wanna hurt you, Jean" your tears are falling again 

"Why? Even though I hurt you" Jean holds your face

"There's no reason, Jean"

"You don't have to forgive me" 

"No matter how much you hurt me but you know, I can't mad at you and how I don't forgive you" You hold his face back

"(Y/N)" He leans closer to your face and about to kiss you and he's crying

"Jean, you don't know how lucky you are" you kiss his cheek that got slapped and then he kisses your cheeks back so gently 

“Now, Can you get up? I’ll take you to shower, first” Jean grabs your waist tries to help you get up

“Huh? Jean what?” you grab his shoulder

“I’ll take you to shower, please don’t resist. Be a good boy, okay?” He whispers to you. Jean’s voice is so smooth. You let him take you out of the room to take a shower. Reiner pretends to sleep. He saw everything between you and Jean.

Both of you arrive at a bathhouse in the middle of the night “If you want anything just tell me. I’ll be waiting outside” Jean is waiting for you outside. You strip your clothes and take a shower. You’re wondering what is going on. Why is he done this after he hurt you?

You turn on the shower and the water is pouring on your body. Your skin is in pain after the water runs through your bruised skin. And you ask him “Jean, Why? Why are you doing this? Are you doing this because of the sympathy?”

“It could be. I still don’t know how I feel about you. But deep down, right now. I know one thing I think, I want you” Jean knows that he has to do something to apologize to you so he decides to get in a bathhouse and takes his clothes off and he puts his arms around your waist. You are unexpected that he’ll do it. You get goosebumps when he touches your bare skin. Your face is blushing. Your heart beats out loud like thunder. Your cock is getting hard. He starts kissing you on your neck and your back and he moans.

“Ummm… let me kill your pain” He kisses your neck that gets strangled and kisses your cheeks that get punched from the back. You moan his name “J-Jean…. Jean”

“Jean, I know it hard for you, to accept my heart. You can take your time. It’s fine to me. I’ll be waiting when you’re ready. If you’re ready and whatever the answer is, I’ll accept it. But right now, please let me love you. As a brother, as a friend or whatever… Don’t tell me that you don’t want to see me again Jean” You get out off your chest 

“Thanks (Y/N) thank you to understand. I’m glad we talk this out. You still remember, right? that day on the field. We masturbated. It was fun and I don’t regret it at all, and this time I'll not regret it” He whispers to your ear and he pats his cock against your little ass hole. He readies to put his cock into your ass. “Ahhh….Ummm… Are you ready for my cock? Are you ready to get fucked?” He rubs his cock to your ass over and over

“Ummm… Jean Jean” You really fall into his words but you pull yourself back “Jean… please don't”

“Hmmm… don't you want it?” Jean stops rubs his cock against your butt. He's still blushing.

“I am but… if you do this because you feel guilty, please don't do it. I want to make sure that you are not just horny or lustful. I want to do it when you really ready to. When you really want to do because you love me from your heart not just because you feel guilty to me” You turn to him and he gazes and hugs you

“At least let me kiss” Jean stares at you and smiles. His smile kills you every time and this time too. You put your fingers on his lips, touch them gently and he slowly opens his mouth and leans closer to you. You close your eyes and let him make out with you. “Ummmm… (Y/N)” you know that he's doing this because he wants to sorry to you by giving what you want. You want him so he gives you. but It's not the love that you want from him. And you still let him do it.

Two of you are rubbing your penises together. He fondles his hand on your flank. The other hand grabs and rubs your cocks together. You fondle him on his chest with your hand and the other hand places it on his nape. He puts his tongue into your mouth and tastes it. The make-out is getting wild. It’s getting heat. The water is still showering, pouring down on both of your bodies. 

“Ummmm ahhh ummmm” Both of you are moaning out loud

“Jean, if I could have you in the end. I'd let you break my heart over and over again,” you thought

After the shower, He takes you back on the bed. “Good night (Y/N), see you in the morning” He kisses you on the forehead but before he leaves, you pull his shirt and don't want him to go.

“Jean… please stay with me, tonight” you’re begging and he lies down beside you and puts his arms around you, makes you feel comfortable. You finally got him. He finally is yours. At least only tonight, because deep down you know he could be gone in the morning and he’ll make you cry again. You’ll see him with Marco or Armin together and get jealous again.

“The relationship between me and you, what am I called? If we’re not a lover I’ll be your brother to you or I’m a friend to you. We are friends, huh? but friends don’t come to you in the middle of the night to say ‘hi’ to you. Friends don’t kiss each other like that. Friends don’t almost fuck each other. Friends don’t frot each other in the shower. But whatever we are. I’m so glad that he doesn’t hate me… I’m so glad that I’m in his arms tonight” You thought and look at his face.

“What?” Jean smiles

“Jean, I thought I was well used to using ODM gear by now but that training was tough! I know you are a master. Can you please show me how to do it?” You touch his lips so lightly

“Sure, I can show you. Whether you can actually execute what I show you is another matter, though. But tonight let me show you something first” Jean leans closer to you

“I’d appreciate it if you’d show me” you blush

“Sure of course” He kisses your lips so intensely. His kiss sends you to heaven tonight

On the other side of the bed, Reiner is lying on his back and watching you and Jean make out on the bed. And he is wondering what the hell you doing outside with him in the middle of the night.


End file.
